Just So You Know

Hey guys!
First of all let me just say that I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything the last few months, life has been more then a little insane but that's not an excuse. However due to a whole variety of reasons I am taking some time to focus strictly on my writing and not publishing or blogging. I don't know how long this will be but I feel that it's very important I do this.
Thank you so much for you amazing support during this time and I can't wait to get back on here and show you some new work!
In the meantime sign up for email alerts and that way the next time I post you'll be notified.
You guys are the best!

Kattarin

The Anddreassins

Here's a sample from one of my original stories. The first book in the Annddreassin series. Enjoy!

Sophia Sanchez took a moment to lean against the counter and breathe; the Sea Castle, where she worked as a waitress was extremely busy tonight. She glanced up at the clock and noted that she only had an hour left of her shift. Pushing back off the counter she turned as another order came up. Grabbing the plates she pasted a smile on and went to deliver the couple their food.

As she came around the corner she spotted a well-known customer smile and wave her over, smiling back she gestured that she’d be right there. She dropped the food off then made her way over to the table,

“Mister and Missus Finch, how are you this evening?”

“Sophia, it’s so good to see you again dear,” Mrs. Finch replied grasping her hand and standing to kiss her cheek. The couple had known her since she was a child at the local community center they ran, and they were still some of her favorite people.

The chatted for a few minutes then Mr. Finch glanced up in surprise, “Dear isn’t that Julia Anddreasin and one of her brothers?”

That got Sophia’s attention making an excuse she quickly excused herself to get back to work almost cursing when the two young people were seated in her section. The Anddreasin’s were the best-known family in all of Durston they were also a family that she tried to avoid, people like them had been given everything and reminded her of how much she had to work for anything. They were nice enough on the surface but they were also the kind of people she did her best to avoid.

Slipping outside for a breath of air she gazed up at the stars as her mother’s voice rang through her head.

‘Sophia, you are a Sanchez we work for what we have but we never let anyone look down on us you understand? Never, take pride in who you are child because it is who the Lord created you to be.’

That had been after she’d come home crying because one of the girls at the private school she was attending on scholarship had made fun of her. Her mother had dried her tears given her the familiar lecture then left for work. It was the last time Sophia had cried because of what someone else said about her.

Shaking off the familiar feeling of dread at having to go in and deal with the family she turned resolutely to walk back inside and ran straight into a tall man who was hanging up his cell phone. The phone fell and she gasped as strong arms captured her shoulders and straightened her quickly.

“I’m so sorry sir,” she apologized quickly.

“No it was my fault miss, are you all right?” It was the voice that got her attention she looked up and found herself staring into the light blue eyes of one of the Anddreasin twins. She felt herself pale and stepped away quickly.

“It was my fault and I’m fine,” she bent down to retrieve his phone just as he did and their heads collided. She straightened as he picked up his phone, rubbing his head.

“Again I’m so sorry I should’ve been paying more attention.” His apology stopped as he gazed at her for a long moment. She shifted uncomfortably, preparing to make her excuses and move on. “Do I know you from somewhere?” He asked before she had the chance to get away.

Memories from her year at the academy flashed through her head, she’d been in the same grade as Will and Alex even shared a couple of classes with them but had never talked to them. She shook her head and offered an apologetic smile even as her heart raced and she prayed that he would believe her lie.

“No I don’t think so, if you’ll excuse me I need to get back to work.”

“Of course,” he held the door for her and she slipped inside racing to the kitchen before anyone noticed that she’d been gone.

“Sophia are you all right?” Her friend and manager, Andrea, asked as she took in the girl’s flushed expression and how she jumped at the question.

“Yeah I’m fine,” she gave her a smile then grabbed some plates and walked out of the kitchen. Andrea was still staring at her. “Seriously I just ran into someone I used to know and it caught me off guard that’s all.”

“Well your shift is almost done so stay with me for a little while longer okay?” With that Sophia went to deliver the food. After she dropped it off she took a deep breath and went to the Anddreasin’s table to take their order.

“Hello again, how’s the head?” She had to smile at the question, even as she felt the heat creep up her neck.

“Its fine are you all right?”

“Fine thanks,” he turned to his siblings. “This is the girl that I ran into outside when I took that phone call.”

“Oh are you all right?” Anya asked immediately the concern evident in her face.

“Yeah Alex has a hard head,” his brother put in.

Sophia just smiled, “I’m fine thanks for asking. I’m Sophia and I’ll be your waitress so can I take your order?”

They gave her their order then she took their menus and walked away. Alex turned back to his siblings, “Do either of you recognize her. She looks so familiar but when I asked her if I knew her she said no.”

Both of them thought about it for a long moment, Anya shook her head. “I’m not sure sorry Alex but I don’t know.”

“You’re right,” Will said. “I think I do know her. Sophia,” he thought about it for a long moment trying to remember. “Sophia Sanchez we went to the Academy with her I think our Freshman year.”

Alex glanced up in surprise, “You’re right we did didn’t we? I wonder why she didn’t say anything when I asked her about it.”

“Maybe she didn’t remember you,” Anya offered with a smile.

“What not remember us?” Will cut in laughing at his sister, “You’ve got to be kidding Jules, don’t you know we’re unforgettable”

She just smiled and took a sip of her drink without bothering to reply. They fell into easy conversation talking and joking like they always had. Conversation was easy but Alex couldn’t get his mind off the conversation with Sophia. What was it about her?

A Tribute To Mothers

Well bloggers it's that time of year again and children everywhere are spending the day honoring their mothers. Well I wanted to do my part to and upon trying to think of a way I thought of this. Writing a letter to Mom, well technically it's addressed to my Mom I think the sentiments are something most of us can agree on. So Happy Mother's Day Moms! I hope that you had a great one!

Dear Mom,
A long time ago you and Dad decided three kids might be enough but by then it was already too late and not too long later I came around. I was kid number four and probably put you through enough trials that you could've screamed, in fact I think you probably did once or twice.
But you loved me anyways and despite the cut strings on the laundry bag and the broken shelf in the closest (when I was supposed to be helping clean the room) you managed to survive. I remember making clothes for teddy bears at the kitchen table, "helping" you make the bed, and listening to you read Redwall books while lying beside on the bed.
Whether it was math homework or trouble with friends you were always there to listen and help me out with problems. Sometimes we fought and every now and then tough love was needed but you were always there when I needed you and you still are.
Now the problems are less about homework and more about work, but whether it's a bad day or a tough situation you're still there to talk it through with me and stay up late until we find a solution or tell me to go to bed and we'll deal with it tomorrow. You still hold me when I cry and listen to me ramble, and I still love you for all of it.
A few years back I heard a saying that said something like "If I could give you a mirror so you could see in yourself what I see you in then you would know how truly amazing you are." And that's how I feel about you Mom. You are one of the strongest women I know, you and Dad have withstood some tough times but you always got through it, together, and you gave your kids an example to live up to. You weren't always perfect but you did the best you could and just so you know Mom... I'd say you did a pretty amazing job!
Grandma used to say that you don't know how your kids turn out until you see your grandkids, while your grandkid isn't quite old enough yet to really know but speaking as the youngest sibling I'd say we all turned out pretty good.
Anyways I love you Mom and I just want you to know how really and truly amazing you are. Thanks for being such a beautiful, wonderful, awesome woman of God, wife, mother, sister and daughter, you've given me an incredible example to live by. I just thought you should know that.

Love,
Kattarin

The Shower and The Bug

So there's that moment when your in the shower, spacing out, maybe preparing for the long day ahead of you or washing off the stress and grime of the day that's now behind you but either way your just relaxing and life is good. Until you look up and that's when you see it, that intruder in your home, that evil thing put on earth to make your life miserable and torture you in your sleep, the bug!
Yep it's there, making it's way slowly across the ceiling and now you have a choice. You can rush, finish your shower really quick and get out before it gets you. Or you could just slowly back up, get to the other side of the shower and hope it stays away but just as your torn little mind is struggling to make a decision you realize... water! You can drown the darned thing!
So you reach up for the handheld shower head and you start to point it at the offending little creature when you realize, that bug is outside the shower and that water will kill it but it's also going to make a huge mess and flooding your apartment? Maybe not the best idea.
By now you have the shampoo in your hair of course so you close your eyes to rinse it out but when you open them again the bug's gone! It's disappeared! Where is it? Has it gotten inside? Is it close to you now? Or did it leave? How can you know?! You whirl around and have to catch yourself before you slip and just about the time you think your safe you spot it again! It's still on the ceiling but the other side, is it getting closer?
Without realizing it your hand moves, you have to defend yourself right? And with a slightly evil grin you point the showerhead up, up and Mom!!! Could you help clean up this mess?

Writer's Block

Here's a question for you, how do you solve the ever reoccurring problem of writer's block? It's the dread of all artists, a singer who suddenly can't sing, a painter who can't find a picture in their head, a dancer who can't seem to land the right move, and a writer who's words just refuse to come.
Well there's all different answers for this problem. Here we'll list a few that I've learned over the last several years of my writing career.

1. Keep writing-
     Sounds weird right? I mean how do you keep writing if there's no words. But that's when something like a blog comes in handy. (And no that's not why I'm posting this.) Or write a short story, even just a few sentences or a letter anything to keep words flowing onto the page until you can resume work on your project.
2. Take a break-
     Take a walk or grab a bite to eat. Do anything that will get you away from the work instead of staring at a blank screen. Sometimes just sitting there can actually make things worse since your literally driving yourself crazy and you're mind is going in circles trying to come up with something but instead just making things worse. So instead take some time to clear your head before you try to go back to work.
3. Work on something else-
     I actually do this a lot where I'll have several projects going at once and when I hit a block in one I'll switch to another. It doesn't always work and sometimes it can even make it more frustrating especially when you hit a block on all the projects and can't figure out what to do next but when it works it's a more rewarding solution.
4. Pray-
     Seriously it works!

So what's your solution? What do you use when you're having a hard time? I know I'm not the only artist out there, so come on, what's your special trick? Can't wait to read your solutions!

Random Quotes

"I'm only listening to you because I'm getting paid."
"I wonder if they know that their precious Prince Charming is nothing like them?"
"Sisters are trouble..."
"...tidal wave of hero's blood."

Language is more then just words strung together. How many times have you walked out of a movie and shared your favorite quote with the person you're walking with? (That last one was from "300 Rise of an Empire" by the way.) Or been reading a book that you stopped in the middle of to share a quote because it made you laugh so hard? What about a T.V. show that days later you were still thinking about that one scene even as you wonder what will happen next week? Or a song that get's stuck in your head and you just keep singing it over and over.
The things that we watch, read, and listen to affect our way of thinking, how we relate to each other, they shape our judgments and prejudices, they affect our actions and make up a large part of our conversations. The things we hear and say make a difference, even when we think they don't.
At my apartment we have a quote, "And post!" we use it whenever someone says something random as if we were posting it on a blog. (Thankfully that hasn't been made a reality... yet) We hear and say the most random things here and yet many of them become part of my writing.

Here's the thing bloggers, inspiration doesn't typically come from exotic trips to some magical destination or from surviving some awful trauma. It comes from everyday life, from the sweet silent moments, the comical spontaneous ones, the calm serious ones and the sudden emotional ones.
Things like "I used to be able to make baskets and now I only throw diapers!" are said in a sudden moment that takes you off guard and makes you laugh while a quote like, "Do you want to build a snowman?" can take on a life of it's own.
So what's your quote today? Post it below, you've heard some of mine now I'd love to hear yours!

Ministry Moment- March

I just realized that I never did a ministry moment for March. So here it is! To kick spring off on this beautiful first day of spring (by the way my windshield was frozen this morning, what kind of spring is that?) let me tell you a little bit about... drumroll please... Village Missions!

Now this is one of my favorite ministries, probably because I have a very personal connection to it. Several people in my family have served with VM and a few still are. Now some of you may know what this wonderful ministry does but many of you probably have the exact wrong idea.
Unlike many of the ministries that I hope to highlight in months to come VM doesn't head out to the jungles of Columbia or the frozen tundra of Mongolia (at least not that I know of) they serve here on the home-front.
Village Missions has a simple goal, they send out pastors to rural churches to keep those places alive! They work in both the U.S. and Canada and have been serving since 1948 (they began work in Canada in 1968).
This is an amazing team of people who take pastors, and their families, and send them throughout the land to make sure that small towns are not forgotten about. Now speaking as a small town kid myself I'd say that's something pretty spectacular. I could probably go on for hours and hours about VM but I won't. So let me just sum it up.
Reverend Duff started this ministry in (as I mentioned) 1948 and in the last 66 years it has turned into a thriving and vital ministry. Their website www.villag-missions.org is filled with helpful tools that illustrate how much they do. They provide pastors, start churches, support their missionaries, they have resources like AWANA, bible school and offer reading recommendations.
If you're looking at going into the ministry or looking for someone to support either through prayer or finances I would suggest looking here. This is one ministry that I love and support and can definitely recommend!

Quiz

So you know those quizzes that you see online all the time? Those ones that tell you what Disney Princess you're like, what movie character personality is just like yours or who your soul mate will be? Well recently I've been listening to the Bible on c.d. and I'm in Exodus now, the story of Moses and the people of Israel. Here's a quiz I made up with that in mind. It's short, simple, and hopefully fun. Here's the trick you have to be honest, I won't promise that it works, and you don't have to post your answers but hopefully it will make you think.

A. When God first tells you to do something do you...?
1- Ignore him
2- Argue and try to get out of it
3- Do what he says

B. If you give your word to do something do you...?
1- Go back and break your word
2- Do it for a while until things get hard and then go your own way
3- Follow through

C. When life gets hard do you...?
1- Lash out and blame others for your problems
2- Blame God for everything that's gone wrong
3- Take Responsibility

Add up the numbers next to your answers.

If you scored 1-2 you're a Pharaoh, you might want to take a hard look at your life and decide where you want it to go and what you need to do to get there. Don't give up though, our God is a god of redemption and he will redeem you!

If you scored 3-5 you're the People of Israel, the good news is that you're God's chosen people, the bad news, the last 2,000 years or so have consisted of people learning from your mistakes, now it's your turn, learn from your mistakes and remember that you serve a loving God who forgives, even though we don't deserve it.

If you scored 6-8 you're a Moses, God's servant who has long been held up as one of the greatest men in the Bible, and he is, but he was far from perfect and so are you. Don't let discouragement because of the people around you get you down, you're a leader so don't forget to act like it and remember that although you have a huge responsibility you serve a God who wants you to cast your burdens upon him, don't try to do it on your own!

If you scored 9 then you're a saint, congrats! I have no advice for you except that you may want to examine your heart a little closer, lying is still a sin.

Adventures

How do you take adventures? Through a road trip? A book? Vacation? Maybe going out to a party or a special night out on the town. Whatever it is it's your way of exploring the world. Many times we convince ourselves that we have to take the safe side of things. The truth is that we don't always have to though.
There are lots of ways to explore. You can explore your neighborhood by getting to know your neighbors, explore your city by finding those hidden little gems that every town has even if you don't realize they exist. Explore your state by taking short day trips to different places around, explore your country (if you can) by visiting some of those places you've heard about but never been, explore this world maybe by going on a missions trip.
Now some of you are wondering, why? You may not want to go off an explore, maybe your one of those people (like I often am) that would rather hide away in a corner and just read about adventures. I can't tell you how many times I've wished I could be one of those adventurous people and yet when I had the opportunity I didn't take it. One of the reasons that frustrates me is that's not how I was raised. My family takes the words "following God wherever He might lead" and lives it out in a way that very few people in this world do.
That's how we ended up moving to a different state when I was twelve. Mom and Dad didn't know how it was all going to work out but they trusted that the Lord was taking us there for a reason and that He would provide for us. And He did, through all the tough times and the hard parts He provided and it wasn't easy but it gave me an example of faith that has shaped my life. When we were getting ready to move my mom found a verse that she still claims to this day; "...go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you." Genesis 12:1
What would it look like if we were all willing to actually follow that command? I want to find out, do you?

The Passing Of Time

So here's something for you to think about bloggers, how do you pass time? Now right now you've got hundreds of possibilities flipping through your mind, the first one being "I'm on the computer reading this, how do you think I pass my time?" but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean in writing. There's all sorts of different ways, let me jot down a few and tell you why they work.

1. Skipping forward with a title.
   - For example write a scene in March then start the next scene with a line that simply informs the reader of the passing of time. i.e. Two Months Later
2. Skip time with dialogue.
   - Bring something up in the character's conversation to explain that time has passed. i.e. "Yeah but that was two months ago!"
3. Use the seasons.
   -Here's another one, if your wrote one scene in the winter make this one in the spring or summer, this is also something you need to be aware of when you're writing. If you write a scene in the winter and then say it's eight months later but it's still winter then you're going to run into a problem when you're readers find out and trust me they will!
4. Flashbacks
   -This is one of my favorites, it doesn't so much count as the passing of time but I had to throw it in there. This is a great way to not just reveal important parts of a character's history but also to explain how long something has been, it gives perspective.

Okay so now for the more sentimental part of this blog for those of you who aren't writers out there. This whole thing started because my niece turned two yesterday. That's not just exciting but terrifying. I can't believe how quickly time has passed! It feels like days ago that my brother and sister-in-law called me at the airport to tell me they were expecting. Then I remember just a few days after she was born holding her little body close. She was so tiny and I was terrified of hurting her!
A few months later I went to stay with them for a few days and got to watch her, that was the first fun experience I'd really had with a newborn who wakes up all throughout the night (and everyone claimed she was a good baby! but she was still loud!) And then there was her first birthday which was much more about the cake then then presents. This year was opposite, which made it even more fun, getting to watch her open her gifts.

Time does pass, whether it's in our lives or in stories we read or write we can't stop it. There's a passage in Exodus that talks about the different seasons in our lives. So here's my wish for you my friends, that whatever season you are in you will be blessed in it.

In Honor of Valentine's Day

Well it's that time of year again and all over couples are celebrating that special day know as Valentine's. Maybe it's breakfast in bed, surprise roses left on the counter, a heartshaped doughnut by your bed or a special little gift you've been wanting that finally appears... but in the end what matters is the message, that someone loves you.
So in honor of Valentine's Day and because I love all of you and the support that you give me how about a sample of a different book? This is an excerpt from what I call The Anddreasin's. A story that revolves a lot around family and more then a little around love, enjoy!

“Alex! I didn’t expect to see you today.” Diana stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek then hugged him tightly. “What are you doing here?”

He smiled at his mother and thought how beautiful she was, Diana had raised all three of her children by herself with only the help of her loyal household staff. She’d given them everyone thing they could ever need and even sent them to the best colleges in the country.

“I came to see you, why else would I be home on the weekend?” He asked easily as he followed her through the house and into the library and sank down into a comfortable chair across from her on the love seat.

“Exactly what I was about to ask,” she replied with an easy going smile. Her two sons were in their freshman year of college while their sister was in her senior year of high school. She studied her oldest and waited for him to tell her what was going on.

He was tall and good looking, dark hair with a hint of olive in his skin. His eyes were a startling shade of light blue that only made him more attractive. With his twin brother around the two were unstoppable, add their sister in the mix and there was nothing the trio couldn’t accomplish. She watched as he seemed to consider his words carefully.

“Alex you’re going to have to tell me eventually why you’re here,” she finally said amused when he glanced up in surprise.

He flashed her a smile, “Sorry Mom I was thinking about something else. Actually I had nothing to do this weekend and I just thought I’d come back and hang out with you and Jules. Will’s coming home too by the way.”

She tilted her head gracefully in a gesture of surprise, “Lovely I’ll tell Cara to make sure your rooms are ready. Assuming that you are planning to stay here this weekend and not somewhere else,” she let the statement hang in the air as her son looked up guiltily. His cell phone rang and the relief in his expression was so obvious she had to consciously remind herself not to laugh.

“Excuse me Mom I’ll be right back,” he slipped out of the room as he answered the call and she shook her head. Cara the housekeeper who had been with her for years walked into the room.

“Should I get the rooms ready for Alex and Will Miss Diana?” The other woman looked up at her trusted friend and smiled. She’d tried for years to get Cara to drop the Miss and just call her Diana but to no avail. Still she was like family and had helped raise all three of the kids, she was also Diana’s best friend there was no one she trusted more.

“I wish I knew Cara, but so far my son hasn’t answered me. As soon as he does I’ll let you know, I’m just not sure that they’re staying.”

To Cara’s credit she didn’t say anything with a smile she walked out of the room. Diana glanced at the clock, Anya would be home soon from school. She crossed over to the desk and opened her laptop, the calendar popped up reminding her that she had a dinner party at the home of an old family friend who was now a senator.

She glanced at the alarm panel in the corner of the screen and saw her daughter’s black Mustang convertible pull up the drive. She saw the girl jump out of the car and run towards the front door where her brother must be waiting. Diana closed the laptop and went to greet her daughter.

*

Sophia Sanchez took a moment to lean against the counter and breathe; the Sea Castle, where she worked as a waitress was extremely busy tonight. She glanced up at the clock and noted that she only had an hour left of her shift. Pushing back off the counter she turned as another order came up. Grabbing the plates she pasted a smile on and went to deliver the couple their food.

As she came around the corner she spotted a well-known customer smile and wave her over, smiling back she gestured that she’d be right there. She dropped the food off then made her way over to the table,

“Mister and Missus Finch, how are you this evening?”

“Sophia, it’s so good to see you again dear,” Mrs. Finch replied grasping her hand and standing to kiss her cheek. The couple had known her since she was a child at the local community center they ran, and they were still some of her favorite people.

The chatted for a few minutes then Mr. Finch glanced up in surprise, “Dear isn’t that Julia Anddreasin and one of her brothers?”

That got Sophia’s attention making an excuse she quickly excused herself to get back to work almost cursing when the two young people were seated in her section. The Anddreasin’s were the best-known family in all of Durston they were also a family that she tried to avoid, people like them had been given everything and reminded her of how much she had to work for anything. They were nice enough on the surface but they were also the kind of people she did her best to avoid.

Slipping outside for a breath of air she gazed up at the stars as her mother’s voice rang through her head.

‘Sophia, you are a Sanchez we work for what we have but we never let anyone look down on us you understand? Never, take pride in who you are child because it is who the Lord created you to be.’

That had been after she’d come home crying because one of the girls at the private school she was attending on scholarship had made fun of her. Her mother had dried her tears given her the familiar lecture then left for work. It was the last time Sophia had cried because of what someone else said about her.

Shaking off the familiar feeling of dread at having to go in and deal with the family she turned resolutely to walk back inside and ran straight into a tall man who was hanging up his cell phone. The phone fell and she gasped as strong arms captured her shoulders and straightened her quickly.

“I’m so sorry sir,” she apologized quickly.

“No it was my fault miss, are you all right?” It was the voice that got her attention she looked up and found herself staring into the light blue eyes of one of the Anddreasin twins. She felt herself pale and stepped away quickly.

“It was my fault and I’m fine,” she bent down to retrieve his phone just as he did and their heads collided. She straightened as he picked up his phone, rubbing his head.

“Again I’m so sorry I should’ve been paying more attention.” His apology stopped as he gazed at her for a long moment. She shifted uncomfortably, preparing to make her excuses and move on. “Do I know you from somewhere?” He asked before she had the chance to get away.

Memories from her year at the academy flashed through her head, she’d been in the same grade as Will and Alex even shared a couple of classes with them but had never talked to them. She shook her head and offered an apologetic smile even as her heart raced and she prayed that he would believe her lie.

“No I don’t think so, if you’ll excuse me I need to get back to work.”

“Of course,” he held the door for her and she slipped inside racing to the kitchen before anyone noticed that she’d been gone.

“Sophia are you all right?” Her friend and manager, Andrea, asked as she took in the girl’s flushed expression and how she jumped at the question.

“Yeah I’m fine,” she gave her a smile then grabbed some plates and walked out of the kitchen. Andrea was still staring at her. “Seriously I just ran into someone I used to know and it caught me off guard that’s all.”

“Well your shift is almost done so stay with me for a little while longer okay?” With that Sophia went to deliver the food. After she dropped it off she took a deep breath and went to the Anddreasin’s table to take their order.

“Hello again, how’s the head?” She had to smile at the question, even as she felt the heat creep up her neck.

“Its fine are you all right?”

“Fine thanks,” he turned to his siblings. “This is the girl that I ran into outside when I took that phone call.”

“Oh are you all right?” Anya asked immediately the concern evident in her face.

“Yeah Alex has a hard head,” his brother put in.

Sophia just smiled, “I’m fine thanks for asking. I’m Sophia and I’ll be your waitress so can I take your order?”

They gave her their order then she took their menus and walked away. Alex turned back to his siblings, “Do either of you recognize her. She looks so familiar but when I asked her if I knew her she said no.”

Both of them thought about it for a long moment, Anya shook her head. “I’m not sure sorry Alex but I don’t know.”

“You’re right,” Will said. “I think I do know her. Sophia,” he thought about it for a long moment trying to remember. “Sophia Sanchez we went to the Academy with her I think our Freshman year.”

Alex glanced up in surprise, “You’re right we did didn’t we? I wonder why she didn’t say anything when I asked her about it.”

“Maybe she didn’t remember you,” Anya offered with a smile.

“What not remember us?” Will cut in laughing at his sister, “You’ve got to be kidding Jules, don’t you know we’re unforgettable”

She just smiled and took a sip of her drink without bothering to reply. They fell into easy conversation talking and joking like they always had. Conversation was easy but Alex couldn’t get his mind off the conversation with Sophia. What was it about her?

*

Finally off shift twenty minutes late Sophia clocked out and walked outside to start the walk home. Just as she was walking out the Anddreasin siblings were headed out to the car.

“Sophia!” She turned in surprise then regretted the decision immediately. All three of them were headed towards her.

“Can I help you?” She asked kindly trying not to notice the hurt that flittered across Anya’s face at the cool words.

“Lincoln Academy, freshman year; we had several classes together.” Alex replied watching her face carefully for any indication of emotion.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s where I know you from,” he replied then nodded back towards his car. “Do you need  a ride home?”

Reeling from shock that he actually remembered her she shook her head, “No thanks it’s not far and I enjoy the walk.”

He hesitated obviously not wanting to accept the answer, but not sure what to say.

“Please just let us give you a ride Sophia. My brothers really want to help and they’re going to end up following you to make sure that you’re okay if you don’t let them.” Anya threw in.

Sophia hesitated but realized the girl was right, “Okay, thanks I appreciate it. Normally I have my car but my brother needed to borrow it today.”

“We don’t mind,” Will replied with a smile.

“The car’s this way.” She followed them towards the BMW that her brother would’ve killed for. Opening the door Anya climbed in the backseat with Will. Alex held the door while Sophia climbed in then rounded the hood and slipped into the driver’s seat.

“Where to Sophia,” she gave him the directions to the house and prayed that her family wasn’t home. If they saw her pull up in a car like that, she could already hear the lectures she would have to listen to.

“So Sophia, did you only go to the Academy freshman year?” Anya asked from the back seat, she set her purse and jacket beside her then turned to answer the girl’s question.

When the car pulled up in front of the house a few minutes later she was startled when Alex walked around to open the door for her then held out a hand to help her out. She climbed out of the car expecting him to leave her there.

“Thanks for the ride, I appreciate it.”

“Anytime, I’ll walk you to the door,” he added. She looked like she wanted to argue, “My mother always told us that every girl deserves respect. She would never forgive me if I just left you here without making sure you got in okay.”

“Fair enough,” she finally said as they started up towards the small house she shared with her grandmother, mom, brother and cousin.

“Why did you say we didn’t know each other when I asked,” she paused at the unexpected question. The door flew open before she had a chance to answer.

“Sophia,” her brother Ben, was standing there and he didn’t look happy.

“Ben this is Alex, he and his siblings gave me a ride home from the restaurant since I didn’t have my car tonight.”

“Alex Anddreasin nice to meet you, “he held out his hand. Ben shook it but his expression hadn’t changed.

“I know who you are, I’m Ben Sanchez. Sophia you should get inside Mom got called in back to work and Zeke will be home soon.”

“I’ll be right there,” she replied. He nodded but didn’t go back inside.

“Thanks again for the ride Alex, I need to get going but tell Anya and Will thanks too.” Sophia replied and walked quickly inside.

“Stay away from my sister; we don’t need your charity Anddreasin.” The warning was spoken in a low voice but the message came across loud and clear.

“I’m not giving anyone charity it was just a ride because she didn’t have a car that’s it.” He nodded back towards the BMW, “I need to get back to my siblings, have a good night.”

The other man didn’t reply but he heard the door slam as he walked back to the car. He climbed in the driver’s seat as his brother moved to the front. “What was that all about?” Will demanded as his brother turned the car on.

Alex glanced back at their sister in the back seat then offered a smile he didn’t feel, “Nothing that was just Sophia’s brother wanting to make sure she was okay. So are you guys ready to go sailing?”

Will subsided and Anya grinned, “Of course, let’s go!”

Alex smiled back as they pulled out of the drive but his mind was still on Sophia. All of his life everything had come easy to him but even though it was obvious that the girl wanted nothing to do with him he couldn’t get his mind off of her.

*

Ready for Chapter 4?

Of course one of my favorite parts of this blog is posting my work so that you guys can take a look. So here it is, Chapter 4 of Whispers of War. Enjoy!

Chapter 4

June 4^th, 2233

“Perfect shot, I’m shocked,” Adam remarked dryly as he retrieved his sister’s arrow from the target set up sixty yards away and walked back towards her. “You ready for tonight?” Their team was scheduled to head out from Paradise later that night on a scouting mission. Normally Adam would’ve left his sister alone so they could both get ready but something was wrong.  He had been sparring with Matt when Kyle had come to find him looking almost desperately relieved when he finally spotted Adam.

“Adam you have to go check on Amy, something’s wrong.” Without another word the three of them had taken off towards the weapons range, Matt and Kyle were waiting just out of sight wondering what had happened.

She didn’t reply, didn’t even glance at him which just served to make the twenty-one year old even more worried. To have his sister upset any day would’ve concerned him, she didn’t let her emotions show through very often, for Kyle to look that worried… Adam knew ‘upset’ was an understatement.

“Amy, what’s going on?” Adam asked quietly as he handed her the arrow back, she didn’t reply but notched another arrow. He stepped back letting her take the shot, expecting her to turn back, when she reached for another arrow he rocked back on his heels crossing his arms over his chest. “I can wait as long as you can Amy Faith, probably longer.” She glanced over at him, her eyes narrowing into a glare but he just smiled. She took another shot before turning back to shoot him a dark look.

“I’m fine, I’ll be ready for tonight, and you don’t have to worry about me. Tell Kyle and Matt they don’t have to either.” She turned back angrily, stalking over to retrieve her arrows but Adam stopped her as he blocked her way.

“You know better than to even think that’s why we’re here.” He said the words quietly but the hurt that she heard in his voice was almost too much, she couldn’t look at him but he saw her nod, conceding the point.

“I know,” she whispered so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.

“Then what’s wrong Aim? You scared Kyle so bad I thought you forgot to duck when you were working with Sarah.” The joke had its intended effect, she smiled but her eyes were still sad. He wrapped his arms around her resting his chin on the top of her inky black head of hair, “What’s going on sis?” She leaned back a bit and he stared into her eyes that were a mirror of his own, then blinked at the sadness he saw there. He wanted so badly to understand, to be able to help her, but she just shook her head.

“I can’t explain it to you Adam, not right now.” She took a step back shoving loose hair out of her face. He said nothing only looked back at her, silently accepting that she’d have to be okay. He nodded once then walked away without another word. Glancing back he saw shoulders trembling as if she were trying not to cry as she retrieved her arrows. Putting them in the quiver she started for the river, wiping her eyes as she went.

“Did you find out what’s wrong? Is she okay?” Matt asked as soon as Adam walked up, his friend only shook his head silently, his expression showing that he was miles away.

“Adam,” Kyle said his name quietly, but it was enough, “is Amy all right?” he asked, concern written all over his face.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, still trying to process what had happened with his sister. “I don’t know, but I hope so.” He clapped his friend on the back, walking away with his head down, the wind blowing his hair in his eyes but he didn’t notice.

‘Lord,’ Adam prayed as he walked, his heart breaking as he thought of the look on his sister’s face, the pain that he had no idea how to heal. ‘She’s my baby sister I’m supposed to be able to help her, but how do I do that if she won’t talk to me?” He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going, just walking in the general direction of camp. He couldn’t shake the sensation that he was missing something, ‘God, I could really use some help here. Please, what am I missing?’ he continued to pray, finally stopping his walk so he could lean against a tree, still convinced he was missing something important.

“Adam, hey I’ve been looking for you,” Kelley cut off suddenly as she walked up to find him with his head back and eyes closed. When he didn’t look up, she tried again, “Adam, are you all right?” He glanced up trying to focus on his friend standing in front of him.

“Sorry Kelley, what did you need?” She looked at him taking in the worried expression, and the way he rubbed a hand over his eyes.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” she turned to walk away.

“Kelley,” she stopped turning to face him, her blonde hair falling from her shoulder as she turned to face him, her blue eyes expressionless. “I’m sorry,” he straightened, crossing the few steps to meet her as he struggled to push his sister to the back of his mind, “what did you need?”

*

‘Father, I could really use some help here.” Amy sat down on the river bank, slipping her shoes off so she could dip her feet in the cool water. ‘I know I’m overreacting, so why does it hurt so much?’  At the sound of footsteps coming her way she slipped her shoes back on, sliding back to lean against the weeping willow letting the willows branches hide her as she drew her knees up against her chest letting her head fall forward as the tears slid silently down her cheeks. ‘She was my friend, is it so wrong to want someone to remember her?’

*

When Amy met up with her brother, Kyle, and Matt that night to head out for their scouting mission, no one would have suspected that she had been sobbing uncontrollably under the willow tree just a few hours before. On the outside she looked just like her normal self, unless someone knew her well enough to see the telltale signs and looked a little bit closer. The three men standing in front of her all knew exactly what to look for. They noticed the smile that wasn’t quite sincere, the eyes that wouldn’t quite meet theirs, and the hands gripping the backpack so tightly that her knuckles were white.

They set out, all quieter than normal, Amy was caught up in her own thoughts even as she struggled to shove her emotions away and focus on the mission. Adam was still worried about his sister, but like her, he understood there was a job to do, he pushed away all thoughts except for the mission. Matt was struggling to keep his mind on the present, even as he glanced at the twins, trying to decipher the problem. Kyle, by far the quietest of the group, was even quieter now; he was worried, not just about Amy, but the whole team. Scouting missions were dangerous enough but a mission when none of them were completely focused? That was just plain stupid.

It was for this reason, that after only an hour, he signaled them off towards one of the many safe caves that the camp had set up all over the woods. After a routine search, Adam gave him a curious look.

“What are we doing here Kyle; we haven’t been out long enough to stop.” He said the words lightly, but inside he was wound as tight as a spring.

Kyle took a deep breath, they had never really established a leader but they were all careful not to criticize each other’s actions. They had been trained for years in weaponry and tactics but they also knew how to avoid situations that could tear their team apart. What he was about to say could take things in many different directions, there was no way to predict all the risks, it could either tear them apart or make them stronger, it was a risk he’d have to take.

“Scouting missions are hard enough on a normal day, but today when none of us are really completely focused on what we’re doing...” He let the sentence hang for a minute, looking at each of them in the flickering light of the fire, before continuing, “It’s not worth the risk guys.” For a moment he didn’t think they were going to reply, but it was Amy who spoke up.

“He’s right,” she finally said, glancing up. “None of us is focused and I know that’s mostly my fault. Why don’t we get some sleep, we’ll take shifts and talk in the morning. Either we’ll work this out or we’ll head back to camp and ask The Council to send out a different team this time. We’ve always done our job before; they won’t hold this against us.” She wasn’t sure that the last part was true but at the moment she didn’t care. Without waiting for them to reply she picked up her bow and quiver and walked outside to take the first watch.

Adam considered following her, but he knew his sister well enough to recognize that it would only make things worse, she wasn’t in the mood to talk to him and they’d probably just end up fighting. Instead he rolled out his blankets in a corner of the cave, settling down until it was his turn for watch.

He didn’t know how long he slept, what he did know was that one moment he was lying in a dark cave in a dreamless sleep, and the next sitting straight up, wide awake, knowing what was wrong with his sister.  Conscious of his friends who were still asleep he slipped quietly out of the cavern careful to avoid stepping on them. When he got to the entrance he took a second to gain his bearings making sure to whistle a warning to Amy that he was coming up. She replied in kind and he went up to her vantage point.

“You should be asleep Adam, you’ll need it and it’s not your shift yet,” Amy told him without bothering to turn around when she heard him approach.

“I was until I realized what the date was,” he said it quietly, but it was enough, Amy turned to look back at him shocked speechless.

“What did you say?” she asked, in the dark he couldn’t see her face clearly but he heard the shock and hurt in her voice. He moved to sit beside her, his heart breaking at the pain she must have felt all day feeling like no one understood.

“I’m sorry that I forgot what today was, I didn’t even realize that it was three years ago today. I’m so sorry,” he didn’t know what else to say. How could you apologize to your sister for forgetting the anniversary of her best friend, your girlfriend’s, death?

“Adam,” she paused fighting tears, hurt and anger. “She was your girlfriend, I didn’t really expect Mom and Dad to remember or really anyone except for maybe Chase and he’s not even here.” She paused choking back a sob; Chase hadn’t been around for a very long time. “You though, Adam, we were with them that day! All four of us were there. We were there when it happened, she died in my arms,” she tried to go on but broke down in tears. Adam held her close, wishing that Kyle or Matt was with them so they could take up the guard duty and he could take care of his sister. “Adam, maybe it’s ridiculous but you were right there, helping Chase, trying to stop the bleeding.” She leaned back looking up at him struggling to see his expression in the dark. “I just wanted someone else to remember, someone besides me, is that so wrong?”

“No Aim, not at all. You need to understand something though.” He pulled one arm free and pushed the hair out of her eyes, “I will never forget Lindsey, you have to know that, but she’s gone Aim. Two years ago I was reliving it every day, every month I would be fighting to keep my mind on what was going on, but I was so distracted. It started to get better but I would still catch myself thinking about her constantly. After the two year anniversary I realized that Linds wouldn’t have wanted me to live my life like that, so I decided that I’d work on letting go. That doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget, Amy. You know as well as I do that’d be impossible, but it does mean that I don’t stay focused on the past. I’m sorry I forgot what today was but it doesn’t mean I forgot her.”

Amy leaned her head against his chest struggling not to cry as she thought about that day three years before. What was supposed to be a wonderfully happy day, their high school graduation, had turned tragic when a fellow student had gotten drunk and started a fight at the party that night. It had quickly turned into chaos and many people had gotten hurt, Amy could still hear the cries and screams, her own voice yelling at her friend not to leave her, to keep fighting even as the gash on her own leg made it impossible to pull either of them to safety.  She could hear Adam screaming at her, telling her to get out of there while he fought to keep Chase alive, she saw Lindsey struggling for her next breath, her hand gripping Amy’s arm and then it went slack. Amy knew she was gone, but she couldn’t accept it, she kept pressure on the wound, screaming at Linds not to leave, to keep fighting, but it was too late there was nothing left to fight for.

 

Adam felt the tremors start through his sister’s body and he held on all the tighter, he wanted to say something to comfort her, but no words would come. It wasn’t safe for them to be up there not paying as close as attention as they should. He was just about to pull away so that he could wake up Matt when he heard the warning whistle. He replied in kind and a moment later Kyle appeared.

“Is she all right?” the question was whispered quietly, Adam just nodded. He thought about moving but knew his sister was in no shape for that at the moment. He stayed where he was, softly stroking her hair as her tears soaked his shirt.

After some time, Amy stopped shaking; when Adam raised his head to see how she was doing he found that she had fallen asleep. Quietly, doing his best not to disturb her, he picked her up in his arms. Motioning for Kyle to cover him he slipped silently into the cave, then back into the cavern where Matt slept on. He woke up briefly at the sound of Adam sliding down the wall with his sister in his arms , but when he saw there was no danger he went back to sleep.

Adam tucked the blankets around Amy’s shoulders never waking up as she made herself comfortable with her head against his chest. He leaned his head back against the smooth rock of the cave wall.

He’d told Amy that he’d never forget Lindsey, and it was true. They’d been in love, he and Chase had made plans to go ring shopping the next day, Adam was going to buy Linds an engagement ring, Chase wasn’t at that point with Amy yet, but he had decided to buy her a promise ring. Adam let his eyes drift close as he thought back to that time.

“Hey, Adam, we still on for tomorrow?” Chase asked his friend as they donned their cap and gowns.

“Yeah of course,” they both smiled, but cut off the conversation so they could join their classmates.

The ceremony had been fantastic, they’d had a great time, and the party for their friends and family afterwards had been wonderful. The two couples were so obviously in love no one could stop staring at them. The rumors were already spreading, now that they had graduated, when would the weddings be? Adam had to laugh whenever he heard the snippets of conversations all around him, friends and family alike had abandoned the word ‘if’ now, it was just ‘when’.

All four of them were thrilled with the idea of one more party with their classmates before everyone went off their separate directions, despite the tensions between Christians and others their classmates were still their friends.  The girls went to Lindsey’s to get ready together and the boys went to Chase’s, then they met up back at the Collins’ house for pictures.

The party wasn’t formal but both girls had opted to wear jean skirts, Lindsey had been wearing brand new silver heels, she was so excited when she’d gotten them. She also wore a black top that was threaded with silver, the silver diamond earrings her parents had given her as a graduation present and the blue topaz necklace that he’d bought for her on their three year anniversary. She’d piled her blond hair up with just a few ringlets hanging down to frame her face. She’d been stunning.

 Amy had worn her favorite sapphire blue top to match her eyes, Chase had bought her a sapphire necklace to match and she wore the earrings that Lindsey had helped him pick out for her graduation present. By the end of the night Amy’s skirt and top and been so covered in blood that it was impossible to ever wear them again.

Adam pulled himself back from the memories; he didn’t want to think about the pain from those months. His own would’ve been bad enough but then when Chase left-

He stopped there, unwilling to go on. He looked down at his sleeping sister, he was only a few minutes older but he’d always felt responsible for her. He closed his eyes again, shaking his head as he blinked back the tears. He wanted so badly to protect her, but it wasn’t easy, he’d let her down three years ago and she still hadn’t recovered. How on earth could he ever manage to make up for that?

‘Oh Lindsey, I wish you were here, you could always get through to her. You and Chase, it was hard enough losing you, but when she lost him too… she’s never been the same, Linds, neither of us has.’

Unwilling to move and leave his sister’s side he snagged her jacket that she’d carelessly tossed beside her and tucked the jacket behind his head, closing his eyes to get some sleep before it was his turn for guard duty.

*

Amy stirred awake, realizing immediately that she must have fallen asleep and Adam had tucked her in. Her head was on his lap but she saw that his eyes were closed; Kyle was sleeping on the other side of the cavern, which meant Matt must have been on duty. She sat up, leaning her back against the wall and wondering what had woken her up. Looking around she saw nothing out of place and was just considering going to check on Matt when Adam stirred.

“Amy?” he whispered.

“Hey bro, go back to sleep I’m just going to go check on Matt, okay?” He turned to look at her, but the darkness hid his smile.

“No, you get some more sleep it’s probably about time for me to take over anyway.” Ignoring her protest, he stood up and slipped quietly out of the cave.

Amy lay back down and for a moment just stared up into the darkness, she felt horrible about being angry at her brother earlier that day but it was obvious he’d forgiven her.

‘Lord, why did you have to take her from us?’ she wondered, as she did every night and as she did whenever she asked the question she sent up a request. ‘Please, tell her we love her, and be with Chase… wherever he is.’ Rolling onto her side, her back against the wall, she blinked back the tears; she’d learned a long time ago they didn’t solve anything.

I'm Back!/Ministry Moment-Feb.

I'm back bloggers and the first thing I want to say is thank you for some much needed time off! I was way more exhausted then I realized and trying to post on here too was just too much. Sometimes we need to do that, take a step back and take a deep breath (or ten) just to get our bearings and figure out how to focus again. The world's a distracting place and it can be really hard to remember where our focus needs to be. At times like that there's a verse that I cling to, Romans 12: 2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will."
This is the reminder to be in this world without being part of it. That's a hard thing to do but it's something we can't just know but live every single day.

Now on that note I just want to follow up by telling you a little bit about a group that works with people to do just that, be in this world and not be of it. You may have heard of them before, they used to be called Campus Crusade for Christ but now they go by CRU. You can find their website and www.cru.org and let me tell you it's worth checking out!
For years Campus Crusade reached thousands and thousands of people from all different walks of life, they went to high schools, colleges, and more. Think about it for a moment, how many people went (or go to) your high school, now how many people go to your kid's high school? That's only two schools and chances are it's a lot of people!
However they wanted to reach even more people, so they've expanded, they still work on campus but now they have lots of other places too! They have inner city ministries, prison ministries, missions trips, they offer bible studies and host events. They'll answer your questions in a loving way without lying to you, in this day and age that's something pretty special to find.
This is an amazing ministry and it definitely deserves to be highlighted.

Chapter 4

I know I haven't exactly been posting lately and I'm sorry but I thought you guys might like another sample of my work. So here it is, enjoy!

Chapter 4

June 4^th, 2233

“Perfect shot, I’m shocked,” Adam remarked dryly as he retrieved his sister’s arrow from the target set up sixty yards away and walked back towards her. “You ready for tonight?” Their team was scheduled to head out from Paradise later that night on a scouting mission. Normally Adam would’ve left his sister alone so they could both get ready but something was wrong.  He had been sparring with Matt when Kyle had come to find him looking almost desperately relieved when he finally spotted Adam.

“Adam you have to go check on Amy, something’s wrong.” Without another word the three of them had taken off towards the weapons range, Matt and Kyle were waiting just out of sight wondering what had happened.

She didn’t reply, didn’t even glance at him which just served to make the twenty-one year old even more worried. To have his sister upset any day would’ve concerned him, she didn’t let her emotions show through very often, for Kyle to look that worried… Adam knew ‘upset’ was an understatement.

“Amy, what’s going on?” Adam asked quietly as he handed her the arrow back, she didn’t reply but notched another arrow. He stepped back letting her take the shot, expecting her to turn back, when she reached for another arrow he rocked back on his heels crossing his arms over his chest. “I can wait as long as you can Amy Faith, probably longer.” She glanced over at him, her eyes narrowing into a glare but he just smiled. She took another shot before turning back to shoot him a dark look.

“I’m fine, I’ll be ready for tonight, and you don’t have to worry about me. Tell Kyle and Matt they don’t have to either.” She turned back angrily, stalking over to retrieve her arrows but Adam stopped her as he blocked her way.

“You know better than to even think that’s why we’re here.” He said the words quietly but the hurt that she heard in his voice was almost too much, she couldn’t look at him but he saw her nod, conceding the point.

“I know,” she whispered so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.

“Then what’s wrong Aim? You scared Kyle so bad I thought you forgot to duck when you were working with Sarah.” The joke had its intended effect, she smiled but her eyes were still sad. He wrapped his arms around her resting his chin on the top of her inky black head of hair, “What’s going on sis?” She leaned back a bit and he stared into her eyes that were a mirror of his own, then blinked at the sadness he saw there. He wanted so badly to understand, to be able to help her, but she just shook her head.

“I can’t explain it to you Adam, not right now.” She took a step back shoving loose hair out of her face. He said nothing only looked back at her, silently accepting that she’d have to be okay. He nodded once then walked away without another word. Glancing back he saw shoulders trembling as if she were trying not to cry as she retrieved her arrows. Putting them in the quiver she started for the river, wiping her eyes as she went.

“Did you find out what’s wrong? Is she okay?” Matt asked as soon as Adam walked up, his friend only shook his head silently, his expression showing that he was miles away.

“Adam,” Kyle said his name quietly, but it was enough, “is Amy all right?” he asked, concern written all over his face.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, still trying to process what had happened with his sister. “I don’t know, but I hope so.” He clapped his friend on the back, walking away with his head down, the wind blowing his hair in his eyes but he didn’t notice.

‘Lord,’ Adam prayed as he walked, his heart breaking as he thought of the look on his sister’s face, the pain that he had no idea how to heal. ‘She’s my baby sister I’m supposed to be able to help her, but how do I do that if she won’t talk to me?” He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going, just walking in the general direction of camp. He couldn’t shake the sensation that he was missing something, ‘God, I could really use some help here. Please, what am I missing?’ he continued to pray, finally stopping his walk so he could lean against a tree, still convinced he was missing something important.

“Adam, hey I’ve been looking for you,” Kelley cut off suddenly as she walked up to find him with his head back and eyes closed. When he didn’t look up, she tried again, “Adam, are you all right?” He glanced up trying to focus on his friend standing in front of him.

“Sorry Kelley, what did you need?” She looked at him taking in the worried expression, and the way he rubbed a hand over his eyes.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” she turned to walk away.

“Kelley,” she stopped turning to face him, her blonde hair falling from her shoulder as she turned to face him, her blue eyes expressionless. “I’m sorry,” he straightened, crossing the few steps to meet her as he struggled to push his sister to the back of his mind, “what did you need?”

*

‘Father, I could really use some help here.” Amy sat down on the river bank, slipping her shoes off so she could dip her feet in the cool water. ‘I know I’m overreacting, so why does it hurt so much?’  At the sound of footsteps coming her way she slipped her shoes back on, sliding back to lean against the weeping willow letting the willows branches hide her as she drew her knees up against her chest letting her head fall forward as the tears slid silently down her cheeks. ‘She was my friend, is it so wrong to want someone to remember her?’

*

When Amy met up with her brother, Kyle, and Matt that night to head out for their scouting mission, no one would have suspected that she had been sobbing uncontrollably under the willow tree just a few hours before. On the outside she looked just like her normal self, unless someone knew her well enough to see the telltale signs and looked a little bit closer. The three men standing in front of her all knew exactly what to look for. They noticed the smile that wasn’t quite sincere, the eyes that wouldn’t quite meet theirs, and the hands gripping the backpack so tightly that her knuckles were white.

They set out, all quieter than normal, Amy was caught up in her own thoughts even as she struggled to shove her emotions away and focus on the mission. Adam was still worried about his sister, but like her, he understood there was a job to do, he pushed away all thoughts except for the mission. Matt was struggling to keep his mind on the present, even as he glanced at the twins, trying to decipher the problem. Kyle, by far the quietest of the group, was even quieter now; he was worried, not just about Amy, but the whole team. Scouting missions were dangerous enough but a mission when none of them were completely focused? That was just plain stupid.

It was for this reason, that after only an hour, he signaled them off towards one of the many safe caves that the camp had set up all over the woods. After a routine search, Adam gave him a curious look.

“What are we doing here Kyle; we haven’t been out long enough to stop.” He said the words lightly, but inside he was wound as tight as a spring.

Kyle took a deep breath, they had never really established a leader but they were all careful not to criticize each other’s actions. They had been trained for years in weaponry and tactics but they also knew how to avoid situations that could tear their team apart. What he was about to say could take things in many different directions, there was no way to predict all the risks, it could either tear them apart or make them stronger, it was a risk he’d have to take.

“Scouting missions are hard enough on a normal day, but today when none of us are really completely focused on what we’re doing...” He let the sentence hang for a minute, looking at each of them in the flickering light of the fire, before continuing, “It’s not worth the risk guys.” For a moment he didn’t think they were going to reply, but it was Amy who spoke up.

“He’s right,” she finally said, glancing up. “None of us is focused and I know that’s mostly my fault. Why don’t we get some sleep, we’ll take shifts and talk in the morning. Either we’ll work this out or we’ll head back to camp and ask The Council to send out a different team this time. We’ve always done our job before; they won’t hold this against us.” She wasn’t sure that the last part was true but at the moment she didn’t care. Without waiting for them to reply she picked up her bow and quiver and walked outside to take the first watch.

Adam considered following her, but he knew his sister well enough to recognize that it would only make things worse, she wasn’t in the mood to talk to him and they’d probably just end up fighting. Instead he rolled out his blankets in a corner of the cave, settling down until it was his turn for watch.

He didn’t know how long he slept, what he did know was that one moment he was lying in a dark cave in a dreamless sleep, and the next sitting straight up, wide awake, knowing what was wrong with his sister.  Conscious of his friends who were still asleep he slipped quietly out of the cavern careful to avoid stepping on them. When he got to the entrance he took a second to gain his bearings making sure to whistle a warning to Amy that he was coming up. She replied in kind and he went up to her vantage point.

“You should be asleep Adam, you’ll need it and it’s not your shift yet,” Amy told him without bothering to turn around when she heard him approach.

“I was until I realized what the date was,” he said it quietly, but it was enough, Amy turned to look back at him shocked speechless.

“What did you say?” she asked, in the dark he couldn’t see her face clearly but he heard the shock and hurt in her voice. He moved to sit beside her, his heart breaking at the pain she must have felt all day feeling like no one understood.

“I’m sorry that I forgot what today was, I didn’t even realize that it was three years ago today. I’m so sorry,” he didn’t know what else to say. How could you apologize to your sister for forgetting the anniversary of her best friend, your girlfriend’s, death?

“Adam,” she paused fighting tears, hurt and anger. “She was your girlfriend, I didn’t really expect Mom and Dad to remember or really anyone except for maybe Chase and he’s not even here.” She paused choking back a sob; Chase hadn’t been around for a very long time. “You though, Adam, we were with them that day! All four of us were there. We were there when it happened, she died in my arms,” she tried to go on but broke down in tears. Adam held her close, wishing that Kyle or Matt was with them so they could take up the guard duty and he could take care of his sister. “Adam, maybe it’s ridiculous but you were right there, helping Chase, trying to stop the bleeding.” She leaned back looking up at him struggling to see his expression in the dark. “I just wanted someone else to remember, someone besides me, is that so wrong?”

“No Aim, not at all. You need to understand something though.” He pulled one arm free and pushed the hair out of her eyes, “I will never forget Lindsey, you have to know that, but she’s gone Aim. Two years ago I was reliving it every day, every month I would be fighting to keep my mind on what was going on, but I was so distracted. It started to get better but I would still catch myself thinking about her constantly. After the two year anniversary I realized that Linds wouldn’t have wanted me to live my life like that, so I decided that I’d work on letting go. That doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget, Amy. You know as well as I do that’d be impossible, but it does mean that I don’t stay focused on the past. I’m sorry I forgot what today was but it doesn’t mean I forgot her.”

Amy leaned her head against his chest struggling not to cry as she thought about that day three years before. What was supposed to be a wonderfully happy day, their high school graduation, had turned tragic when a fellow student had gotten drunk and started a fight at the party that night. It had quickly turned into chaos and many people had gotten hurt, Amy could still hear the cries and screams, her own voice yelling at her friend not to leave her, to keep fighting even as the gash on her own leg made it impossible to pull either of them to safety.  She could hear Adam screaming at her, telling her to get out of there while he fought to keep Chase alive, she saw Lindsey struggling for her next breath, her hand gripping Amy’s arm and then it went slack. Amy knew she was gone, but she couldn’t accept it, she kept pressure on the wound, screaming at Linds not to leave, to keep fighting, but it was too late there was nothing left to fight for.

 

Adam felt the tremors start through his sister’s body and he held on all the tighter, he wanted to say something to comfort her, but no words would come. It wasn’t safe for them to be up there not paying as close as attention as they should. He was just about to pull away so that he could wake up Matt when he heard the warning whistle. He replied in kind and a moment later Kyle appeared.

“Is she all right?” the question was whispered quietly, Adam just nodded. He thought about moving but knew his sister was in no shape for that at the moment. He stayed where he was, softly stroking her hair as her tears soaked his shirt.

After some time, Amy stopped shaking; when Adam raised his head to see how she was doing he found that she had fallen asleep. Quietly, doing his best not to disturb her, he picked her up in his arms. Motioning for Kyle to cover him he slipped silently into the cave, then back into the cavern where Matt slept on. He woke up briefly at the sound of Adam sliding down the wall with his sister in his arms , but when he saw there was no danger he went back to sleep.

Adam tucked the blankets around Amy’s shoulders never waking up as she made herself comfortable with her head against his chest. He leaned his head back against the smooth rock of the cave wall.

He’d told Amy that he’d never forget Lindsey, and it was true. They’d been in love, he and Chase had made plans to go ring shopping the next day, Adam was going to buy Linds an engagement ring, Chase wasn’t at that point with Amy yet, but he had decided to buy her a promise ring. Adam let his eyes drift close as he thought back to that time.

“Hey, Adam, we still on for tomorrow?” Chase asked his friend as they donned their cap and gowns.

“Yeah of course,” they both smiled, but cut off the conversation so they could join their classmates.

The ceremony had been fantastic, they’d had a great time, and the party for their friends and family afterwards had been wonderful. The two couples were so obviously in love no one could stop staring at them. The rumors were already spreading, now that they had graduated, when would the weddings be? Adam had to laugh whenever he heard the snippets of conversations all around him, friends and family alike had abandoned the word ‘if’ now, it was just ‘when’.

All four of them were thrilled with the idea of one more party with their classmates before everyone went off their separate directions, despite the tensions between Christians and others their classmates were still their friends.  The girls went to Lindsey’s to get ready together and the boys went to Chase’s, then they met up back at the Collins’ house for pictures.

The party wasn’t formal but both girls had opted to wear jean skirts, Lindsey had been wearing brand new silver heels, she was so excited when she’d gotten them. She also wore a black top that was threaded with silver, the silver diamond earrings her parents had given her as a graduation present and the blue topaz necklace that he’d bought for her on their three year anniversary. She’d piled her blond hair up with just a few ringlets hanging down to frame her face. She’d been stunning.

 Amy had worn her favorite sapphire blue top to match her eyes, Chase had bought her a sapphire necklace to match and she wore the earrings that Lindsey had helped him pick out for her graduation present. By the end of the night Amy’s skirt and top and been so covered in blood that it was impossible to ever wear them again.

Adam pulled himself back from the memories; he didn’t want to think about the pain from those months. His own would’ve been bad enough but then when Chase left-

He stopped there, unwilling to go on. He looked down at his sleeping sister, he was only a few minutes older but he’d always felt responsible for her. He closed his eyes again, shaking his head as he blinked back the tears. He wanted so badly to protect her, but it wasn’t easy, he’d let her down three years ago and she still hadn’t recovered. How on earth could he ever manage to make up for that?

‘Oh Lindsey, I wish you were here, you could always get through to her. You and Chase, it was hard enough losing you, but when she lost him too… she’s never been the same, Linds, neither of us has.’

Unwilling to move and leave his sister’s side he snagged her jacket that she’d carelessly tossed beside her and tucked the jacket behind his head, closing his eyes to get some sleep before it was his turn for guard duty.

*

Amy stirred awake, realizing immediately that she must have fallen asleep and Adam had tucked her in. Her head was on his lap but she saw that his eyes were closed; Kyle was sleeping on the other side of the cavern, which meant Matt must have been on duty. She sat up, leaning her back against the wall and wondering what had woken her up. Looking around she saw nothing out of place and was just considering going to check on Matt when Adam stirred.

“Amy?” he whispered.

“Hey bro, go back to sleep I’m just going to go check on Matt, okay?” He turned to look at her, but the darkness hid his smile.

“No, you get some more sleep it’s probably about time for me to take over anyway.” Ignoring her protest, he stood up and slipped quietly out of the cave.

Amy lay back down and for a moment just stared up into the darkness, she felt horrible about being angry at her brother earlier that day but it was obvious he’d forgiven her.

‘Lord, why did you have to take her from us?’ she wondered, as she did every night and as she did whenever she asked the question she sent up a request. ‘Please, tell her we love her, and be with Chase… wherever he is.’ Rolling onto her side, her back against the wall, she blinked back the tears; she’d learned a long time ago they didn’t solve anything.