A Proverbs 31 Women

 Yesterday we hosted a bridal shower for one of my brest friend's who is also my roommate. A lot of hard work into it and the party was beautiful. People had fun and most importantly I think Kimberly was blessed by it. During the party we asked my mom to share a devotional. I liked what she said so much I asked her to type it up so I could share it on here too. Below are her thoughts. 

 

 

To the male readers:  This is written to women, but I believe there are definitely parts that apply to everyone.

 

Yesterday I spoke at a bridal shower; these are some of the thoughts I shared:

 

I started out by saying:  While preparing for this a meme crossed my path regarding a Biblical Woman (or wife):  It said:  You’re thinking Proverbs 31  ~  I’m thinking Judges 4 and 5
(If you don’t know what that’s referring to, I’ll wait while you grab your Bible and check.)

 

I promise, I’ll finish that at the end.

 

Proverbs 31:10-31 describes the “perfect” wife.   I want you to know that the perfect wife, I am NOT, even after 42 years of marriage.  Yet there are many aspects I want to live up to. Below are my comments, sometimes stated as a fact and sometimes as a question:

 

The first one is:  I have influence:  I can ruin kings – or my husband– and I have seen wives who have ruined their husbands – by tearing him down, with lack of encouragement, or by never (ever) believing in him.

 

Am I virtuous? Am I capable?  You Bet!  But only in my own areas. . .  

 

I am more precious than rubies!  To God and to those who love me.

 

Can my husband and others trust me?  Am I trustworthy?

 

Do I encourage the people in my life to bring out the good in them?

 

Am I the wind beneath my husband’s [roommates, best friend or siblings] wings?  Am I the woman behind the throne?  Encouraging him [her] as he/she does her job . . . whether it’s a public office (Proverbs says the City Gates) or something else.

 

Do I wear strength and dignity?

 

Do I speak wise words – It is my desire to!

 

TONGUE IN CHEEK:  Just so you know how perfect I am not:

 

  I have no clue how to spin (or even knit or crochet very well). . .

 

My food only comes as far away as the local grocery store

 

I only get up at dawn if dawn is after 7- 9 a.m.  – I will have you know I stay up late just fine though.

 

As far as preparing tasks for my servant girls . . .

I’m still waiting on the servants!

But:  Did I teach my children well?  The answer depends on your definition – one of my daughters is just now learning how to cook after being on her own for close to 15 years.

 

On a more serious note:

Am I KIND to others?  Do I treat those closest to me the way I treat strangers [Respectfully and with kindness} or do I walk all over them?

 

When she speaks her words are WISE:  My prayer is, “Please Lord give me wise words”.

 

Do I give instructions with KINDNESS?  Or do I bark like a drill sergeant?

 

She WATCHES over everything in her household:

She has her finger on the pulse of her home. . .How can you know what is going on in your home if you are not listening and talking with your husband ~ family ~ children?   PRACTICE NOW with those in your life!!!

 

THE BLESSING:  Her Children will stand and bless her – Her husband will praise her

 

The chapter ends with Charm is deceitful and beauty doesn’t last; BUT a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

 

If I tried to touch on every verse in the Bible on being a wife I would run out of time (and listeners or readers), so instead I want to add two reminders:

 

FORGIVENESS:  Proverbs 17:9 says Love prospers when a fault is forgiven.  We are commanded to forgive 70x7 times – that’s 490 times; by about the 300^th time you forget where you are with that fault and keep on keeping on.  Forgive – Forgive – Forgive!  Married or not this applies!

 

COMMUNICATION:  You will survive everything else when God is first, You FORGIVE (God commanded it) and you COMMUNICATE!

 

Not just talking ~~~ Not just listening  ~~~It’s an active participation

 

I started out saying You’re thinking Proverbs 31; I’m thinking Judges 4 -5:

Many think of a good wife as passive and subservient:  SHE ISN”T.

 

What I really mean is:  I want to be the kind of wife who is totally willing to drive a tent spike into a tyrant’s head should the need arise like Jael in Judges 4 or lead a nation like Deborah in Judges 4-5.  Or more realistically in my life:  hold the end of a 4x6; hand him the drill, or put the nail in the stud myself.

 

If you can’t handle me at my Judges 4 – 5, you don’t deserve me at my Proverbs 31.

 

Be the person God created you to BE!

 

Sins and Consequences

This last weekend at my Grandpa's cabin we had an amazing time. I went for walks with different family members, taking the time to catch up with everyone. One day my mom had a chipmunk run right next to her foot, only a inch or two away, not afraid of us at all! It was a little moment but it was pretty cool.

I had so much time with my family. I spent time with my siblings and cousins playing cards and talking into the night. Laughed at my nieces and nephew and my cousin's kid as they ran all over the property, in and out of the tree house and played by the hour on the swing set. We spent hours out on the lake, taking kids on canoe and paddleboat rides or going out ourselves, floating in innertubes and swimming around. I even learned how to kayak and paddleboard last weekend! 

I also had lots of interesting conversations. One of those conversations, with my aunt, got me thinking and I knew that it would be something I wanted to talk about on here. We were talking about sin. I said that saying something mean to someone isn't any worse then saying it in your head. I mean sin is sin right? So why does it matter if you say it in your head or directly to someone?

My aunt corrected me though. She said that the sin is the same but the consequences are different. And I'm partially right; to God sin is sin and one is not worse or better then another. However, when you say something mean in your head it stays between you and God. When you say something mean to another person you incur consequences that weren't there before. Now you haven't just sinned against God, you've hurt someone else. 

When you speak harshly to someone you will still need to repent and ask God's forgiveness. You'll also to need to repair the damage you've done with the other person. Think about it for a second. If you get in a fight with a friend and they yell at you, then there's a break in the relationship. You may forgive them but it takes some time for the hurt to recede so the damage can be repaired.

My aunt wasn't saying that you should make it a habit to talk badly about people in your head. She was saying to guard your tongue. 

Proverbs 21:23

"Those who guards their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity."

When we have a whole bunch of family together for a week we often lose sleep. And we're out in the sun a lot, quickly losing our energy. We're not always eating right so soon we're sleep deprived, hungry and exhausted. It's a recipe for quick tempers and sharp words. This is when we really need this reminder and what prompted our conversation.

Maybe you have time with family coming up. Or a difficult coworker who grates on your nerves. Whatever your situation I urge you to keep my aunt's wisdom in the forefront of your mind. It's better to never think or say things against people at all. But we're human and we're all going to mess up. Next time you do though take my aunt's and the Bible's advice and think before you speak. You'll save yourself, and the other person, a lot of pain in the end.

Favorite Place on Earth

 My favorite place in earth is probably my Grandpa's cabin. It's a beautiful property set in the foothills of the mountains and right on a lake. 

We take out boats, dive in for a swim, go on walks, push the kids in the swingset or just lounge on the porch or inside.
But my favorite part of the cabin is the people. My mom's family goes up every year. As a kid I looked forward to it for forever. We would all crowd onto the property. My siblings, cousins and I would play for hours. At night Grandpa would gather us all together for evening devotions.
As an adult it got harder to get up there. In fact this weekend I'm going for the first time in 3 years.
So... you don't really get a good post this week. Because I'm going to be spending time at my favorite place in the world with some of my favorite people doing some of my favorite things. Boating, swimming, walking and playing with the kids.
I will try to get a post up for next week but I appreciate your understanding as I take this weekend to chill and spend time with family.
Here's the challenge though, I told you about my favorite place. So where's yours? Leave me a comment and tell me about it!

Exciting News!

 Hello friends! Some of you will remember that I originally started this blog to talk about my writing. That plan derailed since there hasn't been much going on with it for the last several years. Every now and then I share a snippet of a manuscript but not much more. Today that has changed!

For the last couple of months there has been a lot of work going on in the background. And to give credit where credit is due I have to tell you who's been doing all that work. First, my dad, he's the one that way back when finally convinced me to consider publishing. He's also the one who brainstorms and bounces around ideas with me. And he has done a ton of background work to get us here. Second, my amazing mom has taken on the role of agent/assistant and a few other titles lately. She's been working behind the scenes, with my blessing, to make contacts, do research and move this project forward. She has been amazing and I would never be able to share this post without the effort she has put in.

And on that note I'm pleased to announce that we are now just a few months (maybe less) away from publishing my very first novel!!!

The manuscript is off to the editor's for the (hopefully) final time. The final cover art was just approved this morning. The dedication and author's notes have been added. The plot holes have been filled and we are getting super duper to close to setting a release date! I can't wait for all of you to get to read this story that so much love and effort has been poured into. Sadly that day isn't today. But I do want to share a little bit about the book with you all today.

Here's the book's description that will eventually show up on the back cover.

Her trip to visit relatives was supposed to help her family heal, instead it led to a secret marriage contract and no escape.

Still grieving from her mother's recent death Karrine Sandor takes her little sister on a trip to Yagos, the country where they were born. Once there she learns about a secret marriage contract that states she will have to marry a stranger or lose guardianship of her sister.

Steffan Dalton has always known he would marry Karrine one day. He'd never imagined that she wasn't aware of their marriage contract too. Now he finds himself with a fiancée who wants nothing to do with him and a difficult teenage charge. 

 

Can these two strangers ever have any chance of a happy marriage? Or will their differences tear them apart? Will God work a miracle or will their own stubbornness keep them from discovering His best plan for their lives?

 

And finally here's the beautiful cover art designed. Original artwork by Rosario Tamayo-Garcia.

Friends, all of you who have been following this blog have been such an amazing support system. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you all going on this journey with me! I really hope that you're as excited as this "coming soon publication" as I am! Leave me a note in the comments and tell me what you think!

Peace for the Moment

First I have to say I'm sorry. I completely missed getting a post up last week. I had good intentions but we all know where those can lead and next thing I know it's the beginning of the work week and I hadn't written a word. Actually I had written words, quite a few of them, but those were done in the process of editing one of my manuscripts and not in writing a blog post. More to come on that subject in upcoming weeks so stay tuned!

Recently my doctor told me that people don't like coming to her because they thought they were healthy until they came in for a visit and found out all the things that were wrong with them. Ignorance really can be bliss. This week I had similar feelings about my schedule. I didn't realize how busy I'd become until I got a new planner and started writing things down. Suddenly it makes a lot more sense why I'm tired at the end of the day! Writing things down on a schedule is a double edged sword for me. It helps give me a sense of what I've got coming up so I can deal with things, but if I let it, it will overwhelm me with trying to deal with everything that's coming up instead of breaking it down to one day at a time.

The last few weeks have been a combination of busyness for good reasons, stress for bad reasons and a whole lot of chaos that leads me to say "I don't how I got here, I'm not sure where 'here' even is and I really don't know where to go from here or where to even start!" It's in those moments that I start to get overwhelmed. 

So what are you supposed to do?

This week I got some great advice. It's advice I've heard before but I really needed the reminder. My friend told me to take life moment by moment. And in each moment that you're feeling overwhelmed ask for God's peace. If you're overwhelmed in another five minutes, ask for it again. And keep going that way until you make it through the day.

See friends, when life is hectic I tend to want to pray once and have God give me enough peace for the whole day. Sometimes He does. Often He doesn't. He lets my circumstances be a reminder that I can't do this on my own. I need His help. Every day, every moment, in every situation.

Right now when my life is so busy I need to remember that more then ever. Because it's only with His constant gift of peace that I'm going to make it through the chaos and make it to the end of each day.

A Heavy Burden

Today I went for a walk and I saw an elderly couple on the walking path. They were probably in their eighties. The man was grinning, it was an expression like you would see on a young boy in a candy store, and it made me smile too. I looked a little closer to see what he was so happy about. In his hand he was holding two rocks and as I watched he threw one into the pond. He leaned over the railing to see where it went. I laughed, think he seemed to take a childish amount of glee in his little game. I thought to myself how wonderful that was, and how we should find joy in the little moments.

I noticed that the woman with him, I presume his wife, wasn't smiling. She just stood there, kind of ignoring his actions but obviously waiting for him. I didn't think too much of this in the moment. The moment of watching them stayed with me throughout the day though and as I continued to think about it a thought, or maybe a theory, occurred to me.

See, there's another reason that sometimes the elderly will act that way. A reason why they'll find childish glee in a simple moments. Sadly this reason is not only because they find joy in their lives. It's a much darker reason and it has several names. Alzheimer's Disease. Dementia. Memory care patients. And I'm sure there's more.

I have been blessed and burdened with having loved ones who have suffered from these diseases. Blessed because it has given me a love and compassion for those dealing with this. Burdened because it's a terrible thing to watch. These diseases can manifest in so many ways. Sometimes people will have mood swings. Sometimes these adults start to act like children all over again. Sometimes they get angry. Sometimes it's even like they become a different person altogether. It can change from day to day.

The families and loved ones of these people have a heavy burden to bear. As they watch the person they've always known slowly slip away and no matter how the loved ones try they can't bring them back. Every person is different but it's not uncommon for those who suffer this way to stop recognizing even those closest to them. For example my granddad had Alzheimer's and there were many days he didn't recognize his wife, he thought his son and daughter-in-law were different people. He didn't remember having grand kids even though we lived next door.

Memory care patients can decline quickly or slowly. And honestly, it's incredibly difficult either way. I have no idea what this couple's story was. Maybe the man really was just enjoying throwing rocks in the pond, and maybe his wife was just tired of his game. I don't know. What I do know is there are thousands of people affected by these kind of diseases and it got me thinking.

Whether you know someone now or you meet someone who is a caregiver for a memory care patient, either at a facility or privately, take the time to tell them thank you. Chances are they don't hear it often enough. Take the time to pray for them. They could use it. If you're in such a position to offer help to them, do it, they might need it. If they turn you down, fine, but you can offer. 

If you are someone who is caring for a memory care patient, thank you. What you do is incredibly difficult, I've watched my own parents go through it. Two of my best friends are caretakers. It's an incredibly difficult job. I'm praying for you. If you ever need someone to talk to please reach out, my (virtual) door is open.

If you are a loved one of a memory care patient, whether you are caring for them or not, please know that my heart goes out to you. I know the pain of going to visit and not having them recognize you. I know the burden of watching your loved one slip away. I am all too familiar with the struggle of trying to accept this new reality but wanting desperately to change it. You are not alone. My prayers are with you.

Lastly if you are a memory care patient please know how loved you are. You are not forgotten and you are not alone. Your life still has incredible value and those who love you still need you. Please don't underestimate how much people care for you.

Most importantly the Lord has not abandoned you. Any of you, caretakers, patients, loved ones. Cry out to Him, He understands and He can take anything you throw at Him; the anger, the hurt, the confusion the hope rising only to be dashed and the fear of the future. He can shoulder it all. 

And finally I want you all to know there are support groups out there for people who are dealing with these things. There are organizations who can help offer support and respite. The burden you are carrying is heavy but I pray that you will allow others to help shoulder it. My prayers are with you my friends. May God bless you all.

A Tale of Two Pastors

My introduction to this blog is that I was put up to this by my grandfather. Pastor Russ Wayland suggested that I write this. I agreed but I did tell him that I was going to blame him for what I'm about to say. I'm complicit but he's the master mind. This post is dedicated to the pastor I grew up under, Pastor Bob.

There once was a man who was very respected in his community. He was a very smart man, a pastor and a doctor. Not a medical doctor mind you but a doctor nonetheless. He had worked tirelessly to earn his doctorate degree. He was an esteemed scholar and a leader. He had even written a Biblical commentary. He could read both Greek and Hebrew and had studied the ancient texts for many years.

Sadly there is such a thing as being so intelligent that you can lose some common sense. And that must have been the case with this man. For as many good traits as he had there was one glaring deficiency in his life. He wouldn't drink coffee.

I know it's shocking. I'll give you a moment to deal with your horror.

...

This man drank tea. All sorts of teas. He was a bit particular and there were some teas he didn't like but he wouldn't touch coffee. And in fact it was worse then that because he didn't acknowledge the problem with not drinking coffee. He thought this was a good thing! In fact he actively tried to get others to drink tea!

When he met with people he couldn't offer them a good cup of coffee. He called coffee mugs, tea mugs. He wouldn't even touch coffee ice cream which is practically elixir as you well know! The real horror came when he wouldn't have coffee served in his church. If you wanted coffee on Sunday morning you had to bring your own.

One day another pastor, this one retired after many years of service, joined the congregation. He immediately realized the tragedy of not serving the wonderful life-blood of coffee and he started a campaign to solve this problem. 

It was a hard fought battle but after many years the wiser pastor won the righteous battle and coffee began to be served on Sunday mornings. The wise pastor's son-in-law embarked on a journey to find just the right blend to serve the long deprived congregation.

And so life continued with the younger pastor still not seeing the error of his ways but at least partially redeeming himself by no longer depriving his parishioners. And the wise, older pastor continued to seek to counsel him in hopes that some day he would be fully redeemed and join the rest of us in drinking the wonderful God-given gift of coffee. For after all it's even mentioned in the Bible- He-brews.