A Heavy Burden

Today I went for a walk and I saw an elderly couple on the walking path. They were probably in their eighties. The man was grinning, it was an expression like you would see on a young boy in a candy store, and it made me smile too. I looked a little closer to see what he was so happy about. In his hand he was holding two rocks and as I watched he threw one into the pond. He leaned over the railing to see where it went. I laughed, think he seemed to take a childish amount of glee in his little game. I thought to myself how wonderful that was, and how we should find joy in the little moments.

I noticed that the woman with him, I presume his wife, wasn't smiling. She just stood there, kind of ignoring his actions but obviously waiting for him. I didn't think too much of this in the moment. The moment of watching them stayed with me throughout the day though and as I continued to think about it a thought, or maybe a theory, occurred to me.

See, there's another reason that sometimes the elderly will act that way. A reason why they'll find childish glee in a simple moments. Sadly this reason is not only because they find joy in their lives. It's a much darker reason and it has several names. Alzheimer's Disease. Dementia. Memory care patients. And I'm sure there's more.

I have been blessed and burdened with having loved ones who have suffered from these diseases. Blessed because it has given me a love and compassion for those dealing with this. Burdened because it's a terrible thing to watch. These diseases can manifest in so many ways. Sometimes people will have mood swings. Sometimes these adults start to act like children all over again. Sometimes they get angry. Sometimes it's even like they become a different person altogether. It can change from day to day.

The families and loved ones of these people have a heavy burden to bear. As they watch the person they've always known slowly slip away and no matter how the loved ones try they can't bring them back. Every person is different but it's not uncommon for those who suffer this way to stop recognizing even those closest to them. For example my granddad had Alzheimer's and there were many days he didn't recognize his wife, he thought his son and daughter-in-law were different people. He didn't remember having grand kids even though we lived next door.

Memory care patients can decline quickly or slowly. And honestly, it's incredibly difficult either way. I have no idea what this couple's story was. Maybe the man really was just enjoying throwing rocks in the pond, and maybe his wife was just tired of his game. I don't know. What I do know is there are thousands of people affected by these kind of diseases and it got me thinking.

Whether you know someone now or you meet someone who is a caregiver for a memory care patient, either at a facility or privately, take the time to tell them thank you. Chances are they don't hear it often enough. Take the time to pray for them. They could use it. If you're in such a position to offer help to them, do it, they might need it. If they turn you down, fine, but you can offer. 

If you are someone who is caring for a memory care patient, thank you. What you do is incredibly difficult, I've watched my own parents go through it. Two of my best friends are caretakers. It's an incredibly difficult job. I'm praying for you. If you ever need someone to talk to please reach out, my (virtual) door is open.

If you are a loved one of a memory care patient, whether you are caring for them or not, please know that my heart goes out to you. I know the pain of going to visit and not having them recognize you. I know the burden of watching your loved one slip away. I am all too familiar with the struggle of trying to accept this new reality but wanting desperately to change it. You are not alone. My prayers are with you.

Lastly if you are a memory care patient please know how loved you are. You are not forgotten and you are not alone. Your life still has incredible value and those who love you still need you. Please don't underestimate how much people care for you.

Most importantly the Lord has not abandoned you. Any of you, caretakers, patients, loved ones. Cry out to Him, He understands and He can take anything you throw at Him; the anger, the hurt, the confusion the hope rising only to be dashed and the fear of the future. He can shoulder it all. 

And finally I want you all to know there are support groups out there for people who are dealing with these things. There are organizations who can help offer support and respite. The burden you are carrying is heavy but I pray that you will allow others to help shoulder it. My prayers are with you my friends. May God bless you all.