In Loving Memory

It's interesting how different months have different causes attached to them. One month is the awareness month for Alzheimer's well another months is awareness for Autism, or child abuse or strokes, and so on. This isn't a criticism. Those causes are all serious and worthy of our attention and raising awareness and funds.  October is breast cancer awareness month. It's also Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month.

When I was little my grandparents lived next door to us. We were on the same piece of property but different houses. I don't remember what age I was the first time that my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer. I do remember that my aunt was diagnosed around the same time. Then, at least from the perspective of a child, it seemed to go away and life went back to normal. I think it was a couple of years later when grandma's cancer came back. I don't remember being overly worried about it at first, after all she'd beaten it before. I was scared, but I didn't really grasp the full implications of what this could mean. Unfortunately life wasn't that simple. The cancer was hard on her. And when she suffered a massive stroke it proved too much for her body to come back from. We had her with us for nine more months. I was eleven when she passed away.

A few years later another aunt got breast cancer. I was a teenager that time around and had a much better understanding of what it meant. I was terrified, and I remember times of literally being on my knees begging God to please spare her. And He did. She's been over ten years cancer free and I'm so grateful.

These loved ones are not the only ones that I've watched suffer with this awful disease. It's why this awareness cause means so much to me.

And then there's Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness. This one's much harder to write about because it's not my story. Or it is, but not in the way most people think of it. There's too many children to specify in this post. Most of them never had a name but I still carry their loss with me. 

One, the one that haunts me the most, is my nephew. Tayden. Tayden was born on May 6th, 2010. And that was the same day he died. He only lived for the briefest of moments. He was born premature and I can still remember the moment the phone rang that morning, telling my parents the news. I didn't want to get out of bed, I tried to go back to sleep because I knew from the part of the conversation I overheard that it was bad news. 

Tayden was my oldest nephew and I was so excited to meet him. My brother and sister-in-law, his parents, had previous miscarriages, so when they got past the first trimester I was overjoyed. I couldn't wait to finally be an aunt. And I was devastated when we lost him. To this day one of the things I look forward to most about heaven is getting to meet Tayden, and my other nieces and nephews for the first time.

There were other children too, some of my other siblings have had miscarriages that have broken my heart. My best friend lost a little one as well. Every time it's a devastating loss. Although I can't understand the pain that their parents have gone through I do carry a burden of pain as well. As those kiddo's aunt I miss them every day and I know that pain won't ever really leave until I'm reunited with them in heaven one day. I'm so grateful for the nieces and nephews that I have, living, but I'll always miss the ones that I never got to snuggle and spoil. 

That's why this cause is so dear to my heart. 

So this October say a prayer for those who are dealing with breast cancer or who have had a miscarriage or lost an infant. And if you're a family member then please understand that this is your pain too. You may not have been the one going through chemo or hearing the doctor's tragic confirmation but it's still a loss. And if you need someone to talk to or just to lend an ear then leave me a note in the comments of how I can reach out or send me an email. I'm happy to talk and pray with you anytime.

It's Here!

 Hey you guys! Guess what arrived in the mail Friday? 

It's been a long week with a lot of ups and downs. From making a mistake at work to getting a vote of confidence from my supervisor. Catching up with friends but learning about the loss of a beloved childhood pet. (To be clear it wasn't my childhood pet but my best friend's. She got this cat when we were little and at that time we practically lived at each other's homes so it was almost as much my cat as hers. Losing him was a hard blow even though I recognize he lived a very good, long life.) Having encouraging times with the Lord through worship on Sunday and devotions through out the week, yet still struggling with the same besetting sins that have haunted me for years. And then Friday night came along.

I went to visit my parents and grandparents after work. I stopped at my house first, knowing that my book was supposed to arrive and I was disappointed when it wasn't waiting on my front porch. Figuring it would show up later this weekend I headed out the door to go see my family. When I got there I had a package waiting. And guess what was inside! (No prizes for guessing right- you've had too many hints!) 

It's a surreal feeling, seeing my name in print, knowing that the words inside are the ones that I wrote. It's also incredibly humbling. The thought of people wanting to read, even paying money to read something that I wrote is such a strange feeling. Seeing my name on the cover is both a dream come true and one of the scariest things I've ever seen.

Tonight, opening that package with my parents and my grandparents was a really amazing experience. It's thrilling for me to see my name in print. It's even more amazing to see their excitement and joy as they looked at the book. Loved ones have an amazing ability. They can multiply your joy in ways you never imagined possible. 

On my own getting this book in the mail would've been exciting. Then I would've set it aside and moved on with my evening. Opening it with my parents and grandparents meant them telling me once again how proud of me they are. It meant signing their copies that had arrived and talking about who else they were going to order copies for. It meant sharing the joy.

The other thing it meant was remembering that I am who I am because of them. This book wasn't just written by me. It was written because the Lord put a story in my mind and gave me the ability to write it. It was finished because my dad spent hours going through the process of helping me plot it out. It was published because my mom spent hours making connections, doing the leg work and researching the steps to make it possible. And it will sell because my grandparents, and a lot of other loved ones, will tell everyone they know about this story until the word spreads.

This isn't just a book I wrote. It was a group effort and I'm so grateful that I got to celebrate this amazing moment with some of the people who made it possible.

However, you guys also made it possible. So thank you to all of you! I wouldn't be here without you.

Release Week-Yagos: The Marriage Contract

Hello friends! 

As a lot of you know this week, October 1st, was my official release day for my first book "Yagos: The Marriage Contract". It's been an amazing journey getting here and I'm so grateful for everyone's support along the way. 

Sometime last week I suddenly realized that releasing book #1 of Yagos means that book #2 should be releasing around July of next year. Now I know that may seem like a long time away to you but considering that it took me about two-three years to write book #1 and then months of work to publish it, July 2021 seems like a pretty tight deadline to me. However that did give me the urging I needed to put my nose to the grindstone. I'd already been working on book #2 of course but this last week I tried to really kick that into high gear. Needless to say there's tons of work to go but I think I have a start on it. More details to come in the future of course so stay posted!

In addition to my work there was some celebrating that needed to happen. This is my first ever book to be published so of course my friends and family have been super excited and supportive. I've loved hearing from so many people about how excited they are to read this story. The outpouring of love and support as people have told me that they've purchased this book and are looking forward to reading it has been incredibly humbling. 

If I'm honest it's those same people that have inspired my greatest moments of fear this week. When I write a book there's a huge piece of myself, almost like a piece of my soul, that goes into each story. Releasing that into the world is terrifying enough. Knowing that so many people are looking forward to reading this book brings out another fear, the fear of disappointing them. Of course I know that I can't please everyone but it still makes it hard to wonder if people will enjoy this book or hate it.

Thankfully my loved ones weren't about to let me just spend the week dwelling on my fear and trepidation. Release day- October 1st, I got home and my roommate/best friend surprised me with dinner and a girl's night. She knew I wouldn't want a big party but she still wanted to make sure I got the chance to celebrate. We enjoyed some delicious BBQ, my favorite dessert of brownies, and a movie to celebrate the day.

The next day my mom, who has put in such a tremendous amount of work to get us to the point of publication, joined me for a celebratory dinner. We got all dressed up and headed into town to the Chinese buffet. We had a lovely time discussing the reviews, the initial order reports, and reading comments on Facebook from friends and loved ones who have demonstrated their support and offered encouragement.

Finally, Saturday, one of my favorite times of celebrating this book release, came when my dad started texting me. Every time he noticed something in "Yagos: The Marriage Contract" that made him laugh, or made him think of me, or someone else in the family, he'd send a quick text with his observation. It was so much fun seeing the book from his perspective. 

So that's it. The release week of my first book! It's been an amazing journey getting here. My honest prayer for this book, and any future books to come, are that God will use them to bless others and bring them closer to Him. That's also my prayer for this blog. 

I hope and pray that your week has been blessed as mine. And if you haven't had a chance then please, check out "Yagos: The Marriage Contract" available on Amazon now!

Fires

Note: At the time this is posting many of the fires are now under control and our air has greatly improved. Lots of evacuations have been lifted and our situation has improved. Thank you for your prayers for continued safety!

Over the last several weeks there have been fires roaring across my beautiful state of Oregon, as well as traveling up and down the West Coast in Washington and California. I've spent countless conversations talking to people at work who have been evacuated and don't know when they can go back. Others have lost everything and I can hear the struggle as they try to be strong and work on slowly trying to figure out how to piece the details of their lives back together. I've talked to a few people who have spent terrified hours or days waiting to hear from family members. And I've spoken to brave men and women who are firefighters or family members of firefighters. They're dealing with their own brand of fear as they fight back the terror that has taken a hold of our state.

There's been so much loss recently. So many people who were just barely starting to get back to their feet have been beaten down again and again this year and these fires have threatened to take away the last bit of strength many communities have.

I don't know the specific numbers but probably thousands of people have been affected by these fires. It's a terrifying time. I, myself, have been affected by all the smoke and the poor air quality. I've spent time talking to friends who have been evacuated, praying for family who are on standby for evacuation and monitoring the fires to see if I'll be the next one leaving my home. 

Then there's the flip side of all this. Over the last month or so there's been an outpouring of love and generosity that has been sorely missing in recent months. There's been so many fundraisers popping up because of people leaving their homes, needing help getting access to basic things, needing shelters or a meal. There's been livestock that people have to evacuate but have place to keep them. 

People have risen to the occasion. I had someone tell me the other day that she saw several needs posted on Facebook over the course of several days but every time she went to offer assistance the need had already been met. Fairgrounds have opened up so that people can put their livestock there and stores have been donating feed and supplies for the animals. There was a restaurant here in my town that was asked to feed 400 people and they had just one day to raise the funds. They posted on Facebook to ask for help and people were so generous that they raised more then they'd been asking for! In one day!

Even at work I've had conversations with people around the country. When they find out that I'm in Oregon they ask me if I'm okay. They tell me they've been thinking of us or praying for us. I had countless people call in to deal with something and they take extra time just to ask if our staff is okay or encouraging us to stay safe. 

People may be suffering but it hasn't stopped them from reaching out. If anything it's made them that much more generous. 

Thank you friends, for supporting Oregon and remembering us in your prayers at this time. Thank you Lord, for using this time of trouble to bring us back together as a community and reminding us of what we have in common instead of what divides us.

What Kind of Sendoff?

Last week I went to a memorial service for an elderly man from the church where I grew up. He was a man who lived his life well and earned a good sendoff. He did a lot of things, influenced a lot of people. He and his wife were married for over 60 years and their kids and grand kids spoke of how much they miss him but I also know they're making extra efforts to be there for their mom/grandma. There was a huge show of love and affection at the service, not just from the family but their friends who gather to say good-bye. I saw men that I've known for years tear up as they talked about how much they were going to miss this man. He definitely made an impact on a lot of lives, mine included.

It got me thinking. My grandpa likes to say that you never know how good someone is until their funeral. You don't normally hear people spewing hateful words at a funeral. You hear them talking about the good things. There's a difference though, between people being sincere at the service, like the one I was at, or people just saying nice things because they know it's expected.

I've been to a lot of funerals. Some are really good, like the one I was just at. It's a time to celebrate the life someone led. A time to remember and say good-bye. It's sad but it's not devastating. When the deceased is a believer we're able to gather together knowing that we will see that person again. It doesn't stop us from grieving but it does make a difference.

Other funerals are devastating. When you're only left with questions and you have no idea if they ever made their peace with God it's a tragic thing. There's no way around that. There's an emptiness and no hope. 

And some people, even though they were a believer, don't seem to leave much behind. Those funerals bring a different kind of sadness. It's the sadness of knowing that someone had so much to give and they never did anything with that.

My prayer is that when it's my time to die that the Lord will greet me with the words from Matthew 25:21, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." At my funeral I hope that there are lots of people, talking about how I lived my life as a faithful servant of the Lord. I want people to discuss the difference I made in their lives, not because of anything I did but because I lived out my faith and made a point of praying for them. 

The only way for people to tell those stories is to live my life that way now. There's no guarantees so there's no way to know how long you have left before it's your funeral. If that day was tomorrow what would people say? What kind of sendoff would you get? If it's one you wouldn't like then start changing that now so when the time does come you can get the kind of sendoff you would hope for.

Perespective

Yesterday was nineteen years since the fateful day of 9/11 when terrorists attacked our country, when they flew planes into buildings and so many lost their lives. Even as I write this I can remember watching the news of the Twin Towers on fire, people jumping out of windows to escape the flames. I remember the first time I heard the voicemail of a man on one of the planes saying goodbye to his wife. I remember the anger, the fear, the outcry that must have reached all the way to heaven as our nation grieved. I remember seeing pictures and videos of the smoke that hung over New York City, and I remember how our firefighters and first responders rushed in. They tackled flights upon flights of stairs and worked tirelessly to get people out. So many heroes laid down their lives that day and we will never forget.

It's always a hard day as the memories come flooding back and my heart cries out for those who still have so much to grieve. I find myself praying for our country, even more then I normally do, on 9/11 each year. This year though my perspective was changed a bit. 

Here in Oregon we've had horrible wildfires, possibly some of the worst we've had in recent history. There's been smoke hanging in the air for the better part of the week. I've had friends and loved ones be evacuated or told to prepare to evacuate. I've spoken to people who have lost their homes and business. I've spoken to others who are just trying to leave the state rather then wait and see if their home will burn.

The other day I spoke to one woman who had a very interesting perspective on the smoke. She told me that she and her husband are historians and that her family is Polish. During World War 2 when Hitler was invading Europe she had family members who were caught in the destruction. She told me that when she looks at the smoke it reminds her of what it must have been like. And as scary as these fires are we have so much to be grateful for. We're not in a World War, and we still have firefighters and first responders who are laying their lives on the line to keep us safe.

As I pondered her words this week I looked at the calendar and started thinking about 9/11. I wasn't alive during World War 2 but I remember 9/11. And I have to agree with her. As terrifying as it has been with all of these fires, we have so much to be grateful for. Our firemen and first responders are once again rushing in to lay their lives on the lines. They are fighting back against the fires and working to keep us safe. And this time the thing they're fighting against isn't terrorists. It's nature.

As we remember 9/11 I would ask that you would keep our nation in prayer. As the West Coast continues to deal with these fires, please keep us in your prayers. As always please remember the words of Winston Churchill, "Evil triumphs when good men do nothing." and keep our leaders and our world in your prayers. Through it all keep your perspective and never forget.

Jungle Jams

 When I was a kid Mom had some cassette tapes that she would play for us in the car. We had "Adventures in Odyssey", "Patch the Pirate" and "Jungle Jams". There may have been others but those are the ones I remember. 

The other day someone's phone went off and the sound caught my attention. It was like I was transported back in time. For a second there, I was a little kid again, sitting in the green Ford Aerostar van listening to "Jungle Jams" with my mom. It was just the two of us. It normally was just her and I when we listened to "Jungle James", I'm the youngest and my siblings weren't big fans of that tape. It was made for kids my age so it was a little young for them. I loved it though. And for just that second I remembered all that joy and excitement as I listened to the animals in the jungle talk about the crisis they were in how to solve it.

I have no idea if we had more then one "Jungle Jams" story. I don't really remember the story line, but I believe that one of them taught the lesson of obedience. I do remember the time with my mom. And I remember that those tapes led me to ask questions and think about what life meant. It reinforced lessons I learned in Sunday school and from my parents.

And when I heard that music and I started thinking about "Jungle Jams" it made me think of some other things I learned as a kid. 

Proverbs 22:6

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Jeremiah 31:33

"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the Lord; I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God and they shall be my people."

My parents trained me up and they made sure that I knew God's word. They used tapes like "Jungles Jams" and the others, they took me to church, they talked about what they were reading in their Bibles and they encouraged me to read my own. God wrote His words on my heart and to this day He is still my God, and I am still his daughter.

If you're a parent reading this don't neglect spending time with your little ones. Playing a CD or a movie for the thousandth time may set your teeth on edge but it may also be laying the groundwork for your kid's future walk of faith.