Thankful For...

Since Thanksgiving is less then a week away I figured it was a good time to talk about just a few of the things that I'm thankful for.

1) My roommates- it's been a rough year with lots of changes and my roommates have been rock solid in helping and supporting me deal with everything that's happened even when they've had a ton of their own stuff to deal with.

2) My family- Along with my roommates my family have been my biggest supporters. Especially my parents have been amazing in listening to my rants, calming me down when I'm upset and me to keep going and keep trusting God.

3) My home- Some of you may remember that I moved earlier this year. The whole process of us getting this house was a miracle and we've been so happy here. It's a great house and we love living here.

4) My new church- Looking for a new church was a really hard process but I'm so happy. My new home church has amazing teaching and friendly people. I'm so grateful God led me there.

5) My faith- The last year has taught me tons of things and the biggest is just how God has shown me His path again and again and again. He's given me the courage to prepare for the hard times that have come up by showing me how He cares for me and provides for me. It's those times of provision that I can look back on and cling to when things get tough. God is sovereign and He's made that clear again and again all year and forgiven me when I doubt.

So there's just five of the many things that I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving. What about you? What are some of the things you're thankful for this year?

Completing Our Family

This year I decided to write posts for each of my siblings. I've published posts for my three oldest siblings and an extra that lived with us. There's only one more sibling to go. My big brother, Toby. I saved his for last because I wasn't sure how to write it at first. There are plenty of stories I could tell about him or things I've learned from him but I had a hard time settling on just one thing. Instead I decided to write about how he came to be my big brother.

For fourteen years I was the youngest of four children. Two brothers, one sister and me; the baby. We moved to Oregon, when I was twelve, and we became friends with several kids that lived in our area. Toby was one of them.

He lived with his parents a few houses down from our store and we all started hanging out a lot. Before long he had become like family. 

Somewhere along the line Toby's parents split up and that's when things started to change for him. He stayed with his dad at first but things weren't going so well. He tried moving up with his mom to Portland, Oregon but that didn't work out. For a period of time he lived with family friends but that didn't seem like the best solution. I don't remember now how everything came to be but my parents offered to let him live with us. 

I remember that I was happy that my friend, who was like my brother, would be in a stable and loving home. He'd bounced around a lot and this seemed great to my fourteen year old self. Looking back I can't imagine how hard it must have been for him. He wasn't living with family but had moved in with people who had a completely different family structure, lifestyle and rules then he was used to. He went from being an only child to one of five kids. And it wasn't just a normal home, Mom and Dad owned a store and Toby-like the rest of us- was expected to do his part in helping to run it. It was a time of huge adjustment for him.

Toby lived with us for over two years and he truly did become our fifth sibling. He was already my friend but he became my brother. He taught me that your family doesn't just come by blood but by choice and that families don't lose love when they add people in, the love multiplies. It may not have always been easy but I believe that God put Toby in our family as much as for us as for him. My parents weren't expecting to have any more kids, and they certainly didn't expect to add one in at sixteen! But God knew better and Toby was given to us to complete our family in a way that we didn't even know was needed.

Toby may have been one of the many teenagers that lived with us over the years, and some of the still call us family; but Toby is the one that still consistently joins us at family events. He's the only one that has truly adopted our whole family and all of us have adopted him.

Thanks Toby for allowing us to have input into your life and providing a unique perspective to our family. And thanks for completing our family, it would never be the same without you.

Veterans Day Tribute

I feel like I'm doing a lot of apologizing on here lately for forgetting to post. Unfortunately I did forget to post last week and I'm late this week. Please bear with me as I'm in a time of transition in my life, looking for a new job, and just generally very busy. I so appreciate all of you who take the time to read this blog, you guys are awesome! Thank you for the support!

Seeing as tomorrow is Veteran's Day it got me thinking about a toddler's favorite question that adults often struggle to answer. Why?

Why do these brave men and women sign up to leave behind safety and security? To be separated from their families? Why do they put their lives on the line? Why are they willing to give it all for people they've never met, many of whom are indifferent at best and hostile at worst? Why? What's the point? What drives them to make these sacrifices?

It's not the money. It's not the benefits. It's certainly not having control over your own schedule or life. Maybe some do it for the stability, but there's stable ways of life that don't require a contract. Maybe some do it to travel, but that's a gamble because you don't know where you'll be stationed. Perhaps some go in for the 'honor and glory' but when you're part of such a huge group most people will never know your name.

So why do it at all?

Everyone has their own answers but mine, based on the actions and words of the many veterans is that they do it because they believe that there are some things worth fighting for. They fight for freedom.

Freedom of speech. Freedom to worship or not to worship as you choose. Freedom to not be separated according to ethnicity, or gender or class. Freedom to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Freedom to recognize that all men are created equal. Freedom to keep and bear arms so that civilians can protect their rights.

They fight to protect all the freedoms that the founding fathers believed we were given by God when they wrote the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

So this Veterans Day, thank a veteran for every freedom you have. Thank them because they chose to fight so we didn't have too.

Daniel's Faith

A few weeks back I published a post stating that I was in the process of looking for a new church body to join. Good news, I found one! I'm thrilled to have officially found a new church home and this week's post is actually from last week's sermon.

The Scripture passage is from Daniel chapter 2 where King Nebuchadnezzar has a dream and asks his wise men to not only interpret his dream but tell him what the dream was. See, he suspected that they were just making up answers and so he wanted them to prove that they knew what they were talking about by telling him his dream before they interpreted it. Information, of course, that they had no way of knowing unless they did indeed have supernatural knowledge as they claimed.

Now I've been hearing this story since I was a little kid but the pastor on Sunday pointed out something I had never thought about before.

Daniel 2:14-19 "When Arioch, the commander of the king's guard, had gone out to put to death the wise men of Babylon, Daniel spoke to him with wisdom and tact. He asked the king's officer, 'Why did the king issue such a harsh decree?' Arioch then explained the matter to Daniel. At this, Daniel went in to the king and asked for time, so that he might interpret the dream for him. The Daniel returned to his house and explained the matter to his friends, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah. He urged them to plead for mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery, so that he and his friends might not be executed with the rest of the wise men of Babylon. During the night the mystery was revealed to Daniel in a vision. Then Daniel praised the God of heaven..."

Did you catch it?

I didn't at first.

First Daniel spoke to the king and asked for time, second he prayed that God would reveal the dream for him. Think about that for a moment. Daniel is living in a land that he never wanted to go to in the first place, he's a captive, facing death and instead of giving up or panicking he takes a huge step of faith. He believes that God can and will save him from this horrible outcome and he believes it so strongly that he goes straight to the king and asks for time. Then, after that, he starts to pray with his friends that God would reward his faith.

How much faith must that have taken? More then I have quite possibly!

And yet isn't that the faith we're called to have? That instead of saying "Oh, I can't possibly make this decision without praying about it first" we're already praying about everything so when the time comes we can step out on faith and ask God to honor that step.

Now please don't misunderstand me here. When we have the opportunity to take some time and pray about important issues it's a very important step. However we shouldn't respond out of fear and call it faith. Nor should we ignore prayer right up until the moment we have to make a decision. We should, like Daniel, be praying about everything so that when we need to take a step of faith, we're prepared to and we trust God with the outcome.

So here's my challenge, take some time to practice praying all the time so that when you;re called to take immediate action, you're ready to do just that.

Forgiveness

This post was written by my wonderful mom, Teresa Kirk. I hope you enjoy it!

Forgiveness is on my mind.  Because I need to forgive some people and it’s really, really hard.  Have you ever been there?  I know it’s the right thing to do.  Jesus said if we don’t forgive others we aren’t forgiven.  I’ve been trying to forgive them, but it’s just so very hard.  

Why is it so hard to forgive?  For me, in this situation, the wrong done wasn’t done to me, but to someone I love and care about.  That person has forgiven them, but I continue to struggle with forgiving them.  God knows my heart, and this week I had to see several of those people face to face, not by my choice.  (It’s much easier to ignore them, when they live in another town and you never see them.)   Knowing I was going to be seeing them, I had to ask the Lord to give me a forgiving heart.  I was able to give hugs to my fellow Christians and at least start to forgive them.  

Unfortunately, my heart attitude still needs changed.  I still believe what they did was so very wrong – and if I could, I would make them suffer the way “we” have because of their actions.  I realized today (before Kattarin asked me to write this blog) that fortunately for me, God doesn’t forgive me that way.  How many times have I done things in ways that have hurt Him, hurt His Son or one of His other children?  Each time He forgives me, He doesn’t hold it against me.  Just because it is easy for me to avoid the people I feel wronged me, doesn’t mean I can get away with my unforgiving attitude.  If I will not turn it over to the Lord and choose to forgive, I will become a bitter, unforgiving person.  The choice is mine.  Even when I choose forgiveness, sometimes it is a process.

As I think of forgiveness, I am reminded of another time I had to forgive and be forgiven.  This time it was my children’s Granddad, my father-in-law.  He lived next door to us and I saw him daily.    Dad loved a smooth lawn; my husband didn’t care if it looked like we lived in the middle of a grass wilderness, so mowing my grass was Dad’s way of taking care of me.  Unfortunately, he didn’t always pay attention to what he mowed and one day mowed down a fledgling tree, one my children had planted.  I was angry – how dare he?  Eventually, I forgave him – sooner rather than later, as I saw him all the time.  Only, do you know what?  He had to forgive me too.  He had to forgive me for being angry with him for trying to help me.  Sometimes we don’t see the other person’s side of the situation.  Who do you need to forgive?  Are you willing to let the Lord work in your heart and change you?  I’m asking Him to change my heart attitude and to forgive as He forgave me.

Choosing to Love

This year I've chosen to write a blog post for each of my siblings. While I still have one more sibling to go I'm taking a break to write about another person who's not quite a sibling but is family. Due to the sensitive nature of this post I'm not going to say his name. Those who know him will recognize the story but I hope the rest of you will be able to draw something from it.

I'm going to call this person M, that's not even his initial but it's the one I'm using. M has had an interesting life. As kids we were close. We're not that far apart in age and we usually got along. As M got a little older he got into some bad stuff. Drinking, drugs, etc. It's been hard on our whole family and those who love him. There's no way to sugar coat that.

When I think about the people that have broken my heart the most over the years M is at the top of that list. At different times, myself and others in our family have thought "Okay, this is it, this will be when he turns his life around. This is what it's going to take." And sometimes he has, at least for a while, and then something happens and it feels like we're right back to where we started. Talk about heartbreaking.

Throughout all these years of ups and downs with M there have been countless sleepless nights and heart wrenching sobs. Sometimes I've tried to encourage others in his life and sometimes others have tried to encourage me. We've cried together and prayed together and spent years hoping together that M would be able to turn things around.

Sometimes he stops talking to the people who love him and then it's really scary because you don't always know what's happening. Other times you see glimpses of the real M underneath all the bad decisions and you find hope, then something happens and it feels like it's dashed again.

I'm not going to explain all of M's problems or the circumstances that have led him to this place. I'm not going to try to justify his actions or share my hopes of him coming back to the Lord someday. That's not the point of today's post. The point is that through it all myself and others have had to learn one of, what I believe to be, life's hardest lessons. Choosing to love.

See M isn't perfect, he's hurt lots of people through his choices. Like I said earlier, he's broken my heart too many times to count because of things he's said and choices he's made. Drugs and alcohol don't just destroy the life of the one using them, they can destroy the lives of those who love that person. Obviously my life hasn't been destroyed by M's choices but my heart has been broken. So what do you do when a person you love constantly makes bad decisions?

In this case, when it doesn't put anyone in danger, I choose to love him anyways and still be a part of his life. I've lowered my expectations so I'm not constantly disappointed when he makes poor choices but I don't stop loving him. Sometimes it's difficult because he's not acting very lovable but I choose to love him anyways. Love is more then an emotion, it's a choice and an action and a commandment.

Jesus commanded us to love our neighbors and although M and I don't live near each other anymore I'm still supposed to love him, even when he makes it hard. I do hope and pray that someday he comes back to the Lord and is finally able to deal with his problems and move on with his life but I have no guarantee of that ever happening. And although that breaks my heart I will choose to love him anyways and ask God to give me strength to continue praying for him no matter what.

Favorite Verses

Sometimes I'll be reading through my Bible app and I'll come across a verse  that I just really love. On the YouVersion app I can do a verse image that I'll sometimes share to social media, send to a friend, or just save to my phone. They're not all a new life verse for me, or my new favorite verse. Sometimes they just seen to fits whatever situation I'm in, or they're something that reminds me of a truth I've forgotten, or they stand out to me as a reminder of God's love and promises. Today I want to share some of those verses with you.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Psalms 139:14

"I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope."
Psalms 130:5

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."
Micah 6:8