A Heavy Burden

Today I went for a walk and I saw an elderly couple on the walking path. They were probably in their eighties. The man was grinning, it was an expression like you would see on a young boy in a candy store, and it made me smile too. I looked a little closer to see what he was so happy about. In his hand he was holding two rocks and as I watched he threw one into the pond. He leaned over the railing to see where it went. I laughed, think he seemed to take a childish amount of glee in his little game. I thought to myself how wonderful that was, and how we should find joy in the little moments.

I noticed that the woman with him, I presume his wife, wasn't smiling. She just stood there, kind of ignoring his actions but obviously waiting for him. I didn't think too much of this in the moment. The moment of watching them stayed with me throughout the day though and as I continued to think about it a thought, or maybe a theory, occurred to me.

See, there's another reason that sometimes the elderly will act that way. A reason why they'll find childish glee in a simple moments. Sadly this reason is not only because they find joy in their lives. It's a much darker reason and it has several names. Alzheimer's Disease. Dementia. Memory care patients. And I'm sure there's more.

I have been blessed and burdened with having loved ones who have suffered from these diseases. Blessed because it has given me a love and compassion for those dealing with this. Burdened because it's a terrible thing to watch. These diseases can manifest in so many ways. Sometimes people will have mood swings. Sometimes these adults start to act like children all over again. Sometimes they get angry. Sometimes it's even like they become a different person altogether. It can change from day to day.

The families and loved ones of these people have a heavy burden to bear. As they watch the person they've always known slowly slip away and no matter how the loved ones try they can't bring them back. Every person is different but it's not uncommon for those who suffer this way to stop recognizing even those closest to them. For example my granddad had Alzheimer's and there were many days he didn't recognize his wife, he thought his son and daughter-in-law were different people. He didn't remember having grand kids even though we lived next door.

Memory care patients can decline quickly or slowly. And honestly, it's incredibly difficult either way. I have no idea what this couple's story was. Maybe the man really was just enjoying throwing rocks in the pond, and maybe his wife was just tired of his game. I don't know. What I do know is there are thousands of people affected by these kind of diseases and it got me thinking.

Whether you know someone now or you meet someone who is a caregiver for a memory care patient, either at a facility or privately, take the time to tell them thank you. Chances are they don't hear it often enough. Take the time to pray for them. They could use it. If you're in such a position to offer help to them, do it, they might need it. If they turn you down, fine, but you can offer. 

If you are someone who is caring for a memory care patient, thank you. What you do is incredibly difficult, I've watched my own parents go through it. Two of my best friends are caretakers. It's an incredibly difficult job. I'm praying for you. If you ever need someone to talk to please reach out, my (virtual) door is open.

If you are a loved one of a memory care patient, whether you are caring for them or not, please know that my heart goes out to you. I know the pain of going to visit and not having them recognize you. I know the burden of watching your loved one slip away. I am all too familiar with the struggle of trying to accept this new reality but wanting desperately to change it. You are not alone. My prayers are with you.

Lastly if you are a memory care patient please know how loved you are. You are not forgotten and you are not alone. Your life still has incredible value and those who love you still need you. Please don't underestimate how much people care for you.

Most importantly the Lord has not abandoned you. Any of you, caretakers, patients, loved ones. Cry out to Him, He understands and He can take anything you throw at Him; the anger, the hurt, the confusion the hope rising only to be dashed and the fear of the future. He can shoulder it all. 

And finally I want you all to know there are support groups out there for people who are dealing with these things. There are organizations who can help offer support and respite. The burden you are carrying is heavy but I pray that you will allow others to help shoulder it. My prayers are with you my friends. May God bless you all.

A Tale of Two Pastors

My introduction to this blog is that I was put up to this by my grandfather. Pastor Russ Wayland suggested that I write this. I agreed but I did tell him that I was going to blame him for what I'm about to say. I'm complicit but he's the master mind. This post is dedicated to the pastor I grew up under, Pastor Bob.

There once was a man who was very respected in his community. He was a very smart man, a pastor and a doctor. Not a medical doctor mind you but a doctor nonetheless. He had worked tirelessly to earn his doctorate degree. He was an esteemed scholar and a leader. He had even written a Biblical commentary. He could read both Greek and Hebrew and had studied the ancient texts for many years.

Sadly there is such a thing as being so intelligent that you can lose some common sense. And that must have been the case with this man. For as many good traits as he had there was one glaring deficiency in his life. He wouldn't drink coffee.

I know it's shocking. I'll give you a moment to deal with your horror.

...

This man drank tea. All sorts of teas. He was a bit particular and there were some teas he didn't like but he wouldn't touch coffee. And in fact it was worse then that because he didn't acknowledge the problem with not drinking coffee. He thought this was a good thing! In fact he actively tried to get others to drink tea!

When he met with people he couldn't offer them a good cup of coffee. He called coffee mugs, tea mugs. He wouldn't even touch coffee ice cream which is practically elixir as you well know! The real horror came when he wouldn't have coffee served in his church. If you wanted coffee on Sunday morning you had to bring your own.

One day another pastor, this one retired after many years of service, joined the congregation. He immediately realized the tragedy of not serving the wonderful life-blood of coffee and he started a campaign to solve this problem. 

It was a hard fought battle but after many years the wiser pastor won the righteous battle and coffee began to be served on Sunday mornings. The wise pastor's son-in-law embarked on a journey to find just the right blend to serve the long deprived congregation.

And so life continued with the younger pastor still not seeing the error of his ways but at least partially redeeming himself by no longer depriving his parishioners. And the wise, older pastor continued to seek to counsel him in hopes that some day he would be fully redeemed and join the rest of us in drinking the wonderful God-given gift of coffee. For after all it's even mentioned in the Bible- He-brews. 

Happy Independence Day

Happy Independence Day! This 4th of July probably doesn't look like the ones you're used to. It doesn't look like the ones I'm used to. Parades have been cancelled, many places aren't hosting fireworks shows. There are no concerts and the annual events we all look forward to aren't happening. It does feel like a strange way to celebrate our freedom but it got me thinking about the first Independence Day in 1776.

They didn't have fireworks to celebrate the 4th of July, they had gunfire that would soon leads to bombs going off. They weren't gathering for fun, they were gathering to fight. Instead of people raising the flag and talking during the national anthem, they understood the significance of that flag and they were writing the anthem. Instead of parades with lines of people marching down the streets, they had lines of soldiers marching off to war. 

And let's talk about those soldiers for a moment. These weren't battle tested military men but farmers and ranchers and boys not old enough to be called men. These were civilians who didn't have uniforms or proper weapons. What they did have was a belief. The belief that what they were fighting for was worth laying down their lives. A belief that this was for a better future.

Their hope wasn't resting in one man or even a group of men. They may have been trusting our founding fathers and following George Washington into battle but he wasn't why they were fighting. They were fighting because they believed in the Declaration of Independence. They believed that "all men are created equal" and that "we hold these truths to be self-evident". They believed in the rights of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". They believed that everyone should have the right to worship or not worship as they chose. They believed in the right to speak freely and in the right to keep and bear arms so that if any enemy, foreign or domestic, tried to infringe on these rights that we could stand up for them and defend our God-given rights.

These men were ready and willing to lay down their lives to fight for a better future for their loved ones. So often we forget the real reason of 4th of July. We focus on the parties and the barbecues, the baseball games and time spent with family and friends. We love to gather for the fireworks and watch the dirt track or NASCAR races. Yet the only reason we have the right to gather for these things is because of those founding fathers and the soldiers who laid down their lives and the brave men and women who have continued to lay down their lives every day and every 4th of July for the last two hundred and forty-four years.

I don't know what this Independence Day looks like for you. I hope you are still able to gather with loved ones and watch the beautiful fireworks and enjoy some good ole fashioned BBQ and baseball or races. I also hope that when you see the flag waving or the national anthem is sung that you take a moment to stop and thank the Lord for those brave souls who have fought and continue to fight so we can be free. Say a prayer for those who are fighting today and thank the Lord for the sacrifice that allows us to continue flying that symbol of hope and sing that song of freedom.

God bless you and God bless America.