Amnesia

A few weeks ago will listening to a podcast when I heard a quote that definitely hit me in the heart. From Christine Cane of Hillsong Church. She said "The blood of Christ doesn't give you amnesia."

Sometimes I think that we want to start our story at the point we became a believer. Or if you grew up in the church like I did we want to start our story at the point when we started really following Christ with our whole hearts. If someone asks us to share our testimony a lot of us get defensive, or maybe we try to just gloss over the difficult, heartbreaking, shame inducing things that lurk in our past. Ever felt that way?

Last weekend while on a women's retreat with my church I was asked to share my testimony. When someone first asked me if I'd be willing to share I hesitantly agreed. It wasn't sharing my story that bothered me, I've done that lots of times, it was sharing my story with women who have known me for years. Women who knew me when I was a teenager living in rebellion of God but playing the role of perfect Christian girl every Sunday, Monday and Wednesday at church. (Yeah I was there a lot.)

I was never an outright party kid or at risk of becoming a juvenile delinquent but I did have my issues and I was afraid how these women would react when they found out. I really want to gloss over the bad stuff and just talk about how much I love working with the youth group now and how I'm growing in my walk with Christ. Then I heard that quote.

"The blood of Christ doesn't give you amnesia."

I've made mistakes. Lots of them. I've done things I'm ashamed of, I've done things I regret, I've done things that I teach every teenager who will listen not to do. I can't change any of it and I have to live with that knowledge and the memory of those decisions. The blood of Christ forgives me of those sins, it doesn't take away the memory, the pain or the consequences of them. 

After I gave my testimony I was surprised but oh so grateful when many of the women thanked me for sharing. They cried with me, embraced me but most importantly they rejoiced with me. Because the one thing that I've learned through sharing my story is that even though I don't get to have amnesia from those actions I do get to see how God has redeemed my past.

God takes ashes and transforms it into beauty. He took my rebellion, taught me lessons and then put me in the position to go teach and encourage teenagers about what I've learned. And because I've been there I can relate to many of them in a way that others can't.

After I shared my story I told someone that even though some of the things I went through because of my poor decisions were hard to deal with I was glad I had because now I could sit down next to a teen going through something similar and say "I get it. I've been there." and they'll believe me because I'm telling the truth. I really have been there and God's brought me through to the other side. Sometimes hearing that is all you need to find hope for yourself and see that God hasn't given up on you.

So no, the blood of Christ doesn't give you amnesia because it goes a step further and redeems your past to bring beauty from ashes.