Who Do You Talk To?

Since I said that I would post about many hands making light work I want to remind you that God made us as a people of community and the church is made up of people who cannot survive on their own. We have been given each other to help each other, encourage each other, pray for each other and lift each other up. I hope this post will help you find ways to do that and to understand why it's important.


"Don't air your dirty laundry in public."
"Private matters should stay private."
"Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."
"Do it yourself."

None of these are bad pieces of advice. You shouldn't talk about your private matters to anyone and everyone who comes along. You should work hard and do things the right way, often that means walking a lonely road but do you have to do it yourself all the time?

No!

Fellowship, encouragement, bearing each other burdens, these are biblical concepts.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 is a great example of how the New Testament church is told to walk and work with each other.
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
In Deuteronomy 1:38, 3:28 God instructs Moses to encourage Joshua because of the position this younger man will take up.
Psalm 10:17 it says that God encourages the afflicted.
Acts 11:23 "... he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts."
Acts 15:32 "Judas and Silas, who themselves were prophets, said much to encourage and strengthen the believers."
Acts 16:40, 20:2, 27:36 are all verses about encouraging other believers.

Some of my favorite examples are the letters of 1 and 2 Timothy and Titus that Paul wrote to young men he had mentored and then sent out into ministry.

So what's my point? We don't have to walk alone? Yes. We should fellowship with other believers? Yes. God encourages us? Yes. And...

When life gets tough you need to be able to talk to someone. Often, if you're married, that can be your spouse. But what happens when you need to talk to someone about your spouse?
Before you immediately throw this suggestion out the window let me tell you about a piece of advice I heard from Dr. John Piper.
He said that you should pick one or two people that each individual in the couple can talk to. Get permission from your spouse to confide in this person. Pick someone who's trustworthy and isn't going to go blabbing your private business anywhere. Let me give you an example.

Mrs. Smith says to her husband, "I need someone I can talk to about what's going on in our marriage. Someone who can encourage me, pray with me and give me a fresh perspective, even correct me when I'm wrong."

"Okay, who were you thinking?"

"Becky and Jill."

"I'm fine with you talking to Jill but not Becky."

"Okay. And I want you to have someone to talk to also. Who will you talk to?"

"Rob and Jack."

"Okay. I'll talk to Jill and make sure she's okay with that and you can talk to Rob and Jack."

Now there's a few important things in here I want you to notice. One, the reasons why this kind of relationship is important. Encouragement, prayer, fresh perspective and correction. If you're a believer please pick a person who is also a believer to confide in. You need someone who will rely on prayer and Scripture when they encourage and correct you.
Second- Ask permission of your spouse. This way no one feels like you went behind their back.
Third- Ask permission of the confidant. If they can't handle listening to your problems for whatever reason then they need to feel like they have the right to say no and you need to let them and then find someone else.
Fourth- And this is important, I would not recommend a woman meeting with a male friend to talk about her husband or a man meeting with a female friend to talk about his wife. The issues you'll discuss are intensely personal and you want to keep that in mind when you choose a confidant.

So what's the point of all this? Well news flash- you're not perfect! And another news flash- neither is your spouse! So when you put two imperfect people in a relationship problems are going to come up and although some of the time you can fix those problems just between the two of you sometimes you need someone else to help. Maybe it's a counselor or friends who offer to sit down with the two of you together and that's great and helpful, but you still need this one-on-one time to say things you may not be comfortable sharing in front of anyone other than a very close friend.

All right single people- how does this apply to you? You're not perfect either! So whether it's because your family makes you want to slam your head into a brick wall or your boss in driving you crazy or your church is going through changes that you're not sure you agree with find someone to confide in. It's so important to help bear each other's burdens.

If your problems are with your family you may want to find someone outside the family so you're not putting them in a weird situation.

I do want to remind you that none of this should ever hinder your conversation with the Lord. He should always, always, always, be the first one you talk to about anything and everything.

Find someone to talk to, a friend, a family member, a respected member of your church, someone. It helps. I know it has me.

One more verse to leave you with just to remind you why we all need someone to talk to.
"As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." Proverbs 27:17